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Wood the Writer

Tag Archives: romance writing

How to write a love/hate relationship

20 Sunday Aug 2017

Posted by Jessica Wood in author, Common Criticism, criticism, romance, story, writing, writing advice

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Tags

books, lit, love hate relationship, romance writing, writing

I’ve previously written about some of the classic romance writing tropes which I can’t stand, and today I have another to add to the list: Love/hate relationships. These are fictional relationships in which a couple do nothing but fight, sometimes even physically abuse each other, yet at the insistence of the author and the rest of the cast, it is evidence that they are falling in love.

It’s clear why this type of relationship in fiction isn’t too popular anymore and why people are beginning to severely question it. Who looks at a real-life couple arguing and thinks that is what they want from a relationship? It isn’t very romantic to hook up with someone when you still hate them.

Yet readers still love reading about interesting and complex relationships and a dynamic between two incredibly strong-willed individuals working through their feelings can be a good one when done correctly. Hate turning to love is still a popular fanfiction plot as readers enjoy seeing how their favourite characters can go from one emotional extreme to the other. They just don’t want to be tricked into supporting an unrealistic couple with no reason to love one another. These are some of the top ways to write a believable love/hate relationship without dipping into abusive territory:

Write a character arc

The golden rule of writing applies to love/hate relationships too. Rather than showing a couple spend an entire work of fiction bickering then have them suddenly admit their attraction and hook up at the end, give them an actual character arc to show how they and their relationship change over the course of the story. Show how intense hatred can turn to intense love through character interaction gradually softening the relationship.

Overcome a character flaw

An integral part of the character arc is to show a character with a severe flaw which they come to realise and improve. Perhaps the reason your characters start out in a love/hate relationship is because one or both has trust issues or was raised in an abusive household. These can explain the character’s motivation and give them an interesting Hero’s Journey which the readers will want to follow.

Make it comedic

Another way you can get away with a love/hate relationship is to write it in a comedic context. This stems all the way back to Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, possibly the very first love/hate relationship story. We can laugh at Benedick and Beatrice’s quips yet still have the sense that they genuinely care for each other and feel happy when they sort things out at the end.

Gielgud_and_Leighton_in_Much_Ado_1959

Don’t write physical or mental abuse

The main criticism against love/hate relationships is that authors confuse abusive behaviour with regular domestic arguments, or believe that regular fights are a normal part of relationships. Thankfully people are now waking up to how damaging this message is, but there are still too many borderline abusive relationships in fiction. Arguments may be a common part of relationships, but they should be presented in a constructive manner to allow a couple to air their grievances occasionally, not happen all the time. It should go without saying that physically abusive behaviour has no place in a romance, not even in a comedic context.

Make it purposefully self-destructive

You might, however, decide to go down the opposite route and write this type of relationship as self-destructive on purpose. This can demonstrate the realities of a co-dependant relationship and how it will rarely work out. There are many fascinating real-life examples of couples with a ‘can’t live with them, can’t live without them’ type dynamic. For example, the biopic Sid and Nancy depicts the real-life relationship between the Sex Pistols’ bassist Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy Spungen and the disastrous impact it had on their lives.

 

What are some good and bad examples of love/hate relationships that you have seen in fiction? Tell me in the comments below.

Top Seven Horrible Love Stories

10 Tuesday Nov 2015

Posted by Jessica Wood in anime, Blog, Common Criticism, musings, romance, shojo, story, writing, writing advice

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Tags

author, backstory, character, character development, female character, love, love interest, love story, male character, manga, novel, novel writer, novel writing, romance, romance writing, story, writer, writing, yaoi

I’ve already written several posts on my blog about tired old romance clichés such as love at first sight or love triangles and how they usually don’t work unless they are handled in the right way by a good writer. I have put together a list of other love stories that I also hate and want to see less of. If you have any of these in your own novel then it might be time for some re-writes.

  1. Love Conquers All…Somehow

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all over stories where the power of love wins through despite all odds. But when the day is saved with no explanation other than ‘its true love’, or if this is the only justification for a couple getting together, that’s just lazy writing.

  1. Love Cures All Tragic Backstories
Dead girlfriend? What dead girlfriend?

Dead girlfriend? What dead girlfriend?

Not to mention all phobias and mental illnesses. A supportive partner can help somebody to deal with these issues but they can’t make them magically go away completely. It is much better to see a love interest helping someone learn to live with whatever troubles them rather than making them forget about it completely and live in a world of sunshine and flowers.

  1. Hate Turns to Love

Once again, I feel this is a plot which can kind of work if it is done in just the right way, but it is rare to see it pulled off successfully. There needs to be a legitimate reason why the couple stops hating each other and begins to like each other but many stories skip straight over this necessary development. Most of the time, I feel like it is a way to draw out unnecessary conflict.

  1. He Was a Boy, She Was a Girl

This is the idea that a boy and a girl are going to be romantically involved only because they appear in a story together. Especially horrible is when the only female character in the whole story is expected to get together with the male hero, no matter how badly suited they are to each other. Just because centuries of outdated storytelling says that the woman is expected to be the love interest, it doesn’t mean that she should be.

  1. The Only Two Gays in the Universe

Or the fictional universe at least. This is a version of the above mentioned trope when the token gay character gets together or at least flirts with the only other gay character in the story. They’re gay so they have to like each other, right? Even if being gay cuts down the number of potential love interests for them, that doesn’t mean they have to hook up with somebody just because their sexualities happen to match up.

  1. The Yaoi Principle
'But you both thought you were straight ten minutes ago!'

‘But you both thought you were straight ten minutes ago!’

I call it this because it seems to show up a lot in yaoi manga, but it appears in other media too. This is when a guy falls in love with another guy (or a girl for another girl, but it is usually the male example) despite having no prior attraction to any other men. There’s nothing technically wrong with this because sexuality is a complex thing and apparently it can happen in real life. I know a few women who I would happily throw away my heterosexuality for. But these stories are never about the guy coming to terms with being bisexual or labelling himself as such. It’s still ‘I’m in love with a man but I’m still technically straight so it’s all ok. No need to panic, Middle America!’ It is starting to dwindle even in yaoi manga but still crops up far too much for my liking.

  1. Give Up the Dream Job For Love

Usually tied in to the ‘chasing someone through the airport’ ending, which I have also put on my list of clichés which really must die. I hate it when a woman (yes, it’s still always a woman) gives up a dream job which most people would kill for and which she’s been working hard on for years for the sake of love. Too many writers still haven’t realised that settling down isn’t the ideal ending for every woman or the end of her career goals.

 

What love stories or romance tropes do you think are overdone or should never have existed to begin with? Which are most likely to turn you completely off of a love story?

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