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Top Seven Horrible Love Stories

10 Tuesday Nov 2015

Posted by in anime, Common Criticism, musings, romance, shojo, story, writing, writing advice

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I’ve already written several posts on my blog about tired old romance clichés such as love at first sight or love triangles and how they usually don’t work unless they are handled in the right way by a good writer. I have put together a list of other love stories that I also hate and want to see less of. If you have any of these in your own novel then it might be time for some re-writes.

  1. Love Conquers All…Somehow

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all over stories where the power of love wins through despite all odds. But when the day is saved with no explanation other than ‘its true love’, or if this is the only justification for a couple getting together, that’s just lazy writing.

  1. Love Cures All Tragic Backstories
Dead girlfriend? What dead girlfriend?

Dead girlfriend? What dead girlfriend?

Not to mention all phobias and mental illnesses. A supportive partner can help somebody to deal with these issues but they can’t make them magically go away completely. It is much better to see a love interest helping someone learn to live with whatever troubles them rather than making them forget about it completely and live in a world of sunshine and flowers.

  1. Hate Turns to Love

Once again, I feel this is a plot which can kind of work if it is done in just the right way, but it is rare to see it pulled off successfully. There needs to be a legitimate reason why the couple stops hating each other and begins to like each other but many stories skip straight over this necessary development. Most of the time, I feel like it is a way to draw out unnecessary conflict.

  1. He Was a Boy, She Was a Girl

This is the idea that a boy and a girl are going to be romantically involved only because they appear in a story together. Especially horrible is when the only female character in the whole story is expected to get together with the male hero, no matter how badly suited they are to each other. Just because centuries of outdated storytelling says that the woman is expected to be the love interest, it doesn’t mean that she should be.

  1. The Only Two Gays in the Universe

Or the fictional universe at least. This is a version of the above mentioned trope when the token gay character gets together or at least flirts with the only other gay character in the story. They’re gay so they have to like each other, right? Even if being gay cuts down the number of potential love interests for them, that doesn’t mean they have to hook up with somebody just because their sexualities happen to match up.

  1. The Yaoi Principle
'But you both thought you were straight ten minutes ago!'

‘But you both thought you were straight ten minutes ago!’

I call it this because it seems to show up a lot in yaoi manga, but it appears in other media too. This is when a guy falls in love with another guy (or a girl for another girl, but it is usually the male example) despite having no prior attraction to any other men. There’s nothing technically wrong with this because sexuality is a complex thing and apparently it can happen in real life. I know a few women who I would happily throw away my heterosexuality for. But these stories are never about the guy coming to terms with being bisexual or labelling himself as such. It’s still ‘I’m in love with a man but I’m still technically straight so it’s all ok. No need to panic, Middle America!’ It is starting to dwindle even in yaoi manga but still crops up far too much for my liking.

  1. Give Up the Dream Job For Love

Usually tied in to the ‘chasing someone through the airport’ ending, which I have also put on my list of clichés which really must die. I hate it when a woman (yes, it’s still always a woman) gives up a dream job which most people would kill for and which she’s been working hard on for years for the sake of love. Too many writers still haven’t realised that settling down isn’t the ideal ending for every woman or the end of her career goals.

 

What love stories or romance tropes do you think are overdone or should never have existed to begin with? Which are most likely to turn you completely off of a love story?

How not to market an e-book

10 Tuesday Feb 2015

Posted by in freelancing, indie, internet, self publishing

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Last week I wrote about six things to avoid if you want to write a good e-book. As difficult as writing a book is, any self published author will tell you that the writing isn’t the hardest part. Now that it’s finished, you have to market your book. I’m not a book marketer, there are many talented people out there who can tell you the right ways to market your book, but I do work enough in the industry to recognise the warning signs of when a book isn’t going to sell.

The good news is that if you followed the advice in my last post and have written a great book, then you’ve already given yourself a huge advantage. Read on and you’ll find out why.

  1. Assume the cover alone will sell it.

A good looking, professionally designed cover is essential for your e-book sales and it goes beyond sticking on a stock image of a sexy lady or a shirtless hunk (or whatever does it for your target audience). If you hope people will just pick up your book thanks to the cover and not bother to take a few moments to read the first page then you’re assuming your readers are idiots. Don’t think that you can sell an inferior product if it comes in nice packaging.

  1. Believe you can sell sand to the desert.

If you’re stuck with a hastily written book with a tacky cover, you might hope you can use your savvy sales skills to move copies. Any marketing professional will tell you that no amount of marketing plans and expensive advertisements will sell something that is terrible. You’ll save yourself a lot of hassle by putting the time in to write a decent book.

  1. Bug people online.

Social media is a great way to gain a following for your written works but you have to do it in the right way otherwise people will know you’re just trying to flog something to them. Sending hundreds of friend requests on Facebook will get you banned and mass following on Twitter won’t get you any genuinely interested readers. Also, don’t send hundreds of annoying messages asking bloggers to review your book, especially if they say on their website that they don’t review self published books.

  1. Order 2000 paperback copies.

Many self publishing services offer printing options but these should be taken frugally. If you had a new product you were trying to sell, wouldn’t you test it first to see if there was a market for it before you set up a factory and made a huge batch? Similarly, would you order 2000 copies of a book when you don’t even know if it’s going to sell a single copy?

It’s disheartening to order lots of books only for them to either take up room in your shed or be pulped. Instead, use a reliable short run printer that can print a few dozen books at a time so you have enough to sell at your book launch and can give one to your granny. Or alternatively wave one in the face of your old maths teacher to prove that all those years of daydreaming in class weren’t a waste.

  1. Ask anyone you know (or don’t know) for a review.

It’s still true to an extent that one of the best ways to move books off the shelves is to have an endorsement from a famous writer somewhere on the cover. That said, I’m not the only reader who’s becoming annoyed with the blurbs on the back of books being replaced with quotes.

Unfortunately, it’s near impossible for a self publisher to get one of these celebrity endorsements. Margaret Atwood wrote an entire poem about why she doesn’t provide blurbs, so under no circumstances should you ask a famous author for one, unless you’ve actually saved their life and they owe you a big favour.

Even worse is asking anyone you know who’s even remotely well known to give you an obviously fake quote. This becomes awkward when you see a former mayoress saying how much she loved a gory zombie horror book.

  1. Write in a genre because it’s popular.

It’s becoming depressing to walk into a bookshop and being surrounded on all sides by rip offs of whatever happens to be popular at the moment that were obviously put out quickly and cheaply to cash in on that book. It’s especially disturbing that currently that book is 50 Shades of Grey…

Once again this comes down to writing just to make money. If you genuinely enjoy reading and writing in that popular genre then go for it. But if you don’t, it would be a waste to try.

The best thing about self publishing is that you don’t have to worry about what’s currently selling down at the supermarket. You can be as niche as you like without having to worry about appeasing your agent or publisher. Your time is free for impressing the most important people in the publishing industry – the readers.