Proofreading example

This is an extract from a job I completed recently showing the original text and my edits below, to give an example of my proofreading skills.

The original:

With many years of product development and marketing experience, I’m often asked for advice.

Unfortunately, people tend to ask for help when things aren’t going very well for them. Over the years, I’ve noticed a repeated pattern amongst business owners, particularly those in the online world.

 It’s the same pattern I went through as a young entrepreneur. It was one frustration after another as none of my ventures ever really took off. Some failed altogether, others were ‘stuck’ with little growth.

It took me a long time to figure out what on earth I was doing wrong.

But I did.

I want to share with you a concept that I use every day now. It’s a powerful one. It has changed the way I approach everything that I do, in all areas of my life.

Will this concept guarantee you a successful business? Of course not. There’s way to many factors involved.

But it can have an incredible impact on your life, it did to mine.

Grab a coffee, sit back and enjoy this short read. If I somehow manage to get you thinking, then this will have been a success.

——

We’ve all been there

 After years in an unfulfilling job, my buddy John had  made the difficult decision to break free; he would finally venture off on his own. He wrote out a plan and did what most of us could never do: quit our day job.  Crazy or not, he had had enough. His real passion was music, specifically writing and interviewing bands. He had longed yearned to work in this industry and he would now live out his dream.

It had been a long hard year of putting everything together but John’s website was by all accounts, an excellent one. It had all of the elements necessary for a great user experience; unique and interesting content, daily updates, easy navigation, very interactive, lots of media, videos, and visually pleasing.

 

He worked countless hours on this site. While he did outsource some of the daily tasks, he still carried the majority of the work – totally normal for a new business owner. He would shoot, edit, post all of the band interviews…not too mention all of the coordinating with agents, recording studios, and everyone else tied to the musicians.

 

My edits:

 

With many years of product development and marketing experience, I’m often asked for advice in these areas. Unfortunately, people tend to ask for help when things aren’t going very well for them. Over the years, I’ve noticed a repeated pattern amongst business owners, particularly those in the online world.

It’s the same pattern I went through as a young entrepreneur. It was one frustration after another as none of my ventures ever really took off. Some failed altogether, others were ‘stuck’ with little growth.

It took me a long time to figure out what on Earth I was doing wrong.

But I did.

I want to share with you a concept that I now use every day. It’s a powerful one. It has changed the way I approach everything that I do, in all areas of my life.

Will this concept guarantee you a successful business? Of course not. There are way too many factors involved.

But it can have an incredible impact on your life. It did to mine.

Grab a coffee, sit back and enjoy this short read. If I somehow manage to get you thinking, then this will have been a success.

——

We’ve all been there

After years in an unfulfilling job, my buddy John had made the difficult decision to break free; he would finally venture off on his own. He wrote out a plan and did what most of us could never do: quit our day job. Crazy or not, he had had enough. His real passion was music, specifically writing and interviewing bands. He had longed since yearned to work in this industry and he would now live out his dream.

It had been a long, hard year of putting everything together but John’s website was by all accounts an excellent one. It had all of the elements necessary for a great user experience; unique and interesting content, daily updates, easy navigation, very interactive, lots of media, videos, and was visually pleasing.

He worked countless hours on this site. While he did outsource some of the daily tasks, he still carried the majority of the work – totally normal for a new business owner. He would shoot, edit and post all of the band interviews; not to mention all of the coordinating with agents, recording studios, and everyone else tied to the musicians.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s