Category Archives: writing

New short story – The Fox and the Illuminator

22 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by in fairy tale, fantasy, Short story, story, writing

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I’ve found another old short story which I submitted to a few contest then forgot about. Please enjoy!

The Fox and the Illuminator

The Royal Illuminator was working alone, as always, in the castle scriptorium, squinting against the dim light and coughing occasionally from the layers of dust which gathered on the towering stacks of books. He had been spending the past few months illustrating a book of the kingdom’s history, carefully painting each ornate letter with precision. It was an incredibly important book that the King himself had commissioned from him and was to be the grandest book in the royal library.

As such, the Illuminator put even more care into the manuscript than usual to make it exceptionally magnificent. The illuminations lit up the page, brighter and more beautiful than any book he had ever worked on before. Each picture reflected the glory and lustre of the event it depicted. He loved his work and was gratified by it, but the long hours spent in the silent, empty scriptorium often grew wearisome and lonely.

In the middle of one such day when the sun was high in the sky and the warm sunlight peeked in through the windows, the Illuminator found his hand steadying, his mind drifting, and his eyes drawn towards the garden outside the window. The trees gently swaying in the breeze and the sunlight sparkling on the lake looked particularly inviting that day. If only he could take just one day off from his work, he thought, to enjoy that sunshine, but the manuscript was close to being finished and the King was incredibly strict with deadlines. He noticed a fox wandering around the garden, thinking it strange that a fox should be out at that time of day.

His eyes followed the Fox as it prowled towards the lake where the swans were resting on the bank. With a single quick motion, the fox snapped up one of the swans in its jaws, sending the others flapping and squawking away in a panic. The Illuminator forgot all about his work, jumped to his feet, and ran outside.

“Stop that.” He shouted as he sprinted towards the Fox, who was dragging the dead swan away in her jaws. She looked at him curiously as he approached. “Those swans are the property of the King. It’s illegal to hunt them.”

“But surely that law applies only to people, not to foxes?” The Fox said, dropping the swan to the ground to speak.

“Well…yes.” Admitted the Illuminator, a little stumped to be talking to a fox who spoke his language. “But I still have to stop you. Those swans are protected by the law.”

“Why? Aside from their size, they’re not that different from the other birds in the trees, and there’s no law protecting them.” The Fox said.

“It’s the law. I have to uphold it.” The Illuminator replied.

“Do those trees belong to the King?” The Fox said, pointing her snout towards the forest of tall oak trees.

“Yes. That’s the King’s hunting ground.”

“And yet you would not stop a squirrel from gathering an acorn for its winter store.”

“I suppose I wouldn’t.”

“Most of those trees are there thanks to squirrels gathering acorns and forgetting where they buried them. If not for them, you wouldn’t have the berries that make the inks you use for your books.” The Fox said, noticing the coloured ink stains on the Illuminator’s hands which gave away his profession. “Killing this swan may be against the King’s laws, but if I don’t bring it back to my den then my cubs will starve.”

“I didn’t think of it that way.” The Illuminator said. He’d never realised how important those trees were to the work he treasured. The trees provided the wood for his pencils and the other equipment in his workshop. Without the inks, his pages would be dull and colourless. They provided him with shade in the summer to sit underneath them and read, on the rare occasions when he was free to read. “Go quickly then, before the guards see you.” He said.

“This will not be forgotten.” The Fox said before picking up the swan and carrying it away.

The Illuminator smiled and returned to his work, his mood lifted and his earlier boredom forgotten.

 

Not long after, the Illuminator’s work was suddenly interrupted when two armed guards burst into the scriptorium.

“What’s going on?” He said.

“You’re under arrest.” One of the guards said, grabbing the Illuminator’s arm and jerking him to his feet, leaving a large green smear across the page he had been working on.

“What, why?” The Illuminator asked.

“You were seen. Talking to that fox and letting it off with a swan without trying to stop it.” The second guard said as they dragged him out of the scriptorium.

The Illuminator desperately tried to explain why he hadn’t stopped the Fox, but they wouldn’t listen. They led him through the palace and straight to the King, throwing him down to the ground in front of the entire court, who all gazed down on him scornfully.

“Do you care to explain,” the King bellowed in his loud, imposing voice that made the Illuminator shudder, “why you allowed a fox to steal one of my swans?”

“Please your Majesty, the swan was already dead by the time I got there.” The Illuminator pleaded.

“The swan’s body is still my property, and you let the fox go unpunished.”

The Illuminator tried to explain and repeated what the Fox had said to him, but the King still wasn’t convinced.

“You disregarded my laws and for that you are banished from my castle and my service.” The King said.

“Your Majesty, can you not take comfort that one swan will save an entire litter of fox cubs?” The Illuminator tried one last plea.

“Foxes, horrible mangy things. Now I’ll have even more poaching my swans and raiding the chicken coop. Away with you. Go and live with the foxes if that’s what you want.” The King commanded. Before the Illuminator could say anything more, he was pulled away and forced out the gate into the street.

“Wait, at least let me gather my tools. I need them for my trade.” The Illuminator said, but the guards had already slammed the gates closed.

 

No matter how much be pleaded with the gatekeeper, the Illuminator wasn’t permitted to retrieve his tools, or even the possessions in his chamber. Some of the materials he used for his trade were incredibly rare. He had travelled far and searched wide to find them – gold leaf, dye from Mediterranean Sea molluscs, crushed opals, rich green cobra venom. He was the best illuminator in the kingdom, but without his tools and materials, he couldn’t find any work. Illumination had been all he’d ever known and loved since he was a boy and he didn’t have any other skills. Nobody wanted to hire a vagrant who claimed to be an illuminator.

With no money, no tools, and no job, he had to sleep in abandoned buildings and beg on the streets for pennies. He had to steal food from the King’s orchard, as dangerous as it was to do so, and went to sleep every night alone and miserable.

“If only I still had that manuscript I was working on before all of this happened.” The Illuminator said as he huddled in an old shed with a leaking roof, his stomach aching from hunger pains. “I spent six months working on that book, night and day, and I was so close to finishing it. It was the best work I ever did.”

But it wasn’t really his. It never had been. He’d merely been commissioned to make it. Eventually it would’ve been placed on a library shelf and he would’ve been handed another job.

“If I only had that book to work on and complete then I could at least keep my sanity. I would feel like I had a purpose in life again.”

He saw a dark shape slip underneath the half-rotted door and worried that it was another rat come to bite at his toes. As it came out of the darkness, he saw that it wasn’t a rat. He recognised the speckled red and brown coat. It was the Fox he’d met in the garden all those months ago.

“It’s you. I didn’t think I would see you again.” The Illuminator said. The Fox approached him and he saw that she was awkwardly carrying something large and cumbersome in her mouth, which she placed in his lap. He picked it up and tears filled his eyes as he recognised the illustrations, letters, and gold leafing he had spent hours getting just right. “This is my manuscript. The one I worked so hard on.” He looked up to the Fox, who had sat down next to him. “Why would you do this for me? If the King had caught you sneaking around his palace and stealing from him then you would have been made into a pair of gloves by now.”

“If it wasn’t for your kind act then my cubs would have starved. But now you are the one who is starving.” The Fox said, hanging her head. The Illuminator had never thought he would see a fox feeling guilt, and especially on his behalf.

“I do not blame you for that.” The Illuminator said, reaching a hand towards her head, which she leant into his hand, allowing him to stroke her soft fur. “The King would not listen to reason. He wouldn’t even forgive the death of one swan.”

“Indeed. But I fear this offering cannot fill you belly.” The Fox said.

“No, it can’t do that. But it is more than enough. It may still help me out of my poverty.”

 

“What do you call this?” The King said as the pages of the book in his hand fell apart as he flipped through them. “Not a single thing in this book is right. The colours are all wrong. The pages are out of order. And you didn’t even spell the name of the kingdom correctly!” He bellowed at the nervous apprentice illuminator at his feet, throwing the manuscript at his head. “Get out. Bring me another illuminator. One who can actually do his job.” He said as the apprentice gathered up his pages and fled from the throne room in tears.

“I’m sorry, your Majesty.” The King’s Advisor said at his shoulder. “That was the last illuminator in the kingdom.”

The King rubbed his temples. “Then hire back the illuminator we let go.” He said.

“We…We uh…” The Advisor said, hiding behind his ledger.

“What’s the problem now?”

“We tried to find the Royal Illuminator, your Majesty, but he’s gone too. He’s not anywhere in the kingdom.”

 

“This is the best work I’ve ever seen!” The Queen of the neighbouring kingdom said as she enthusiastically turned the pages of the history manuscript.

“Thank you, your Majesty. I admit it’s not quite finished yet.” The Illuminator said. He felt awkward standing in the opulently decorated throne room in filthy bare feet and clothes which hadn’t been washed in weeks.

“I can see that,” the Queen said as she turned to the page with the ugly green stain, which made the Illuminator blush with embarrassment.

He had long since heard that the Queen of the neighbouring kingdom loved books and had a vast library. Even her throne had a tall stack of books next to it, he noticed. As poor as the Illuminator was, he had taken the risk to travel to her kingdom for just that reason. With his treasured manuscript tucked carefully under his arm and the last of his pennies in his pocket, he had trekked over open fields, drunk rain water from puddles, and survived off berries (although he had kept a few that would make a fine ink). Finally, he had arrived at the Queen’s castle with bare feet and worn clothes but to his luck, it had taken only one glance at the manuscript for her guards to escort him straight to her throne room.

“But for unfinished work, it is still wonderful. The colours are the brightest I’ve ever seen. You must tell me how you do it.”

“I would be happy to, your Majesty.”

“Any king or queen would be honoured to have a book this marvellous in their library. Could you make me a history of my kingdom?” The Queen asked.

“Of course, your Majesty, whatever you ask. But it would take some time and I fear I don’t have the tools or the materials.”

“We’ll provide you with tools and anything else you need. And some new clothes and shoes, of course. I don’t want you to get cold. I’ve long heard of the great skills of my neighbour’s Royal Illuminator. I’m surprised the King fired someone of your talents.”

“There was a…small disagreement involving a swan.” The Illuminator said.

“How silly. Still, no need to worry about that now. I expect you’ll be wanting to see your workshop. And then you must join me for tea and tell me about these illustrations.” The Queen said, rising from her throne and handing the manuscript back to the Illuminator.

“Your Majesty, didn’t you say you wanted this book for your library?” The Illuminator asked.

“Yes, I would love to have this book for my library, but I feel that it belongs to you.” She said, placing it back in his hands. “Besides, you probably want to finish it.”

 

And so, the Illuminator completed his most precious manuscript of all, and many more besides. The Queen of his new kingdom had the most beautiful and well-crafted books in her library that were admired by all who saw them. She and the Illuminator spent many happy hours together discussing books and illustrations. On days when the weather was bright, the Queen demanded that it was too nice a day to spend with work and they spent the day strolling through the gardens and relaxing under trees, talking and laughing together and feeling complete with one another.

As for the Fox, she and her cubs were never again bothered by the King’s guards, and neither they nor the Illuminator ever had to go hungry again.

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Why I love fairy tales (but I hate fairy stories)

08 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by in anime, criticism, fairy tale, fantasy, musings, villain, writing

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I love fairy tales and love writing stories adapting or subverting their tropes. But one thing you will never find me writing is stories about fairies, or even featuring fairies, because personally I can’t stand them and have no interest in writing about them.

If this may seem odd, consider the difference between a fairy tale and a fairy story. In his essay On Fairy Tales, J.R.R Tolkien defined a fairy tale as a story dealing with the land of faery and mankind’s relationship with it. They often work as cautionary tales about wandering into the realm of the fae and not being able to return to the ‘real’ world.

‘Faery’ is a fairly broad term but it generally refers to what ancient cultures believed was a world parallel to but connected to our own filled with other-worldly creatures. Fairies were one such creature, but not the only ones which were said to inhabit it.


By contrast, Tolkien defined fantasy as something set in an entirely invented world, like his own Middle Earth. More authors are making subversions by returning to the fae variety, but what we now call fairies tend to be creatures of fantasy rather than mythology. They tend to be small, humanoid beings, usually with wings and some form of magical powers.


The reason these fairies never resonated with me is because each interpretation tends to fall into one of these categories:

1. Too generic. It’s difficult for me to love any fantasy creature if the author doesn’t do at least something new with it.
2. Too girly. Not that I’m against girly (I’m a big fan of My Little Pony) but so many writers try to make their fairies too saccharine and sweet, which makes me feel like they just vomited glitter all over the page.
3. Too bitchy. I guess this is supposed to be a subversion of the girly variety, but it tends to come across to me as making them overly mean for no real reason.

This doesn’t mean that I hate all stories with fairies, however. I like the weather fairies in A Tiny Snow Fairy Sugar and the sweets spirits in Yumeiro Pâtissière since despite being overly cutsy, they were still different than the standard fare and their story arcs were just as strong and significant as those of their human friends.


By far my favourite fairies in any form of fiction were the three good fairies – Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather – in Disney’s version of Sleeping Beauty. This is because they were well-rounded, funny, and interesting characters, in fact they were far more heroic than the incredibly bland and useless titular character.


While their magical powers were fairly generic and the film does rely upon incredibly black and white ideas of good and evil, the three of them avoided being either too girly or too bitchy by becoming developed characters rather than fairy archetypes. They had positive and negative qualities, they created some of the best comedy that’s ever been seen in a Disney film, they were loving to Aurora despite her complete lack of a personality, and when the time came to it they were completely badass. Really, the King and Queen should have given control of the kingdom to them at the end, since they were the only ones who had any sense (destroying all the spinning wheels in the kingdom both destroyed the economy and left everyone naked, your majesty).

The villainess Maleficent is also technically a fairy (which is why the re-make made her more like the fae variety) but also greatly different than most ‘bad’ fairies in fiction. True her motivation is for incredibly petty reasons, only because she wasn’t invited to a party, but she is still one of the most memorable villains that Disney has ever made. Even sixty years later, she is still the benchmark against which all other animated villains are measured. The strong characterisation of both the good and evil fairies is what makes Sleeping Beauty into both a fairy tale and a good story about fairies.


What are your thoughts on fairy tales and fairy stories? What are your favourite and least favourite fictional fairies? Tell me in the comments below!

Top eight writing fumbles which ruin a good story

02 Friday Mar 2018

Posted by in author, Common Criticism, criticism, romance, story, tv, writing, writing advice

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Have you ever found yourself getting really into a work of fiction – binge watching entire seasons at a time, buying all the merchandise, or gushing about it on social media – but later on you find yourself hating the work you used to love? Sometimes it is simply a case of our tastes changing naturally over time, or sometimes it’s a change in the writing staff or management. But often it is due to the writer making a bad decision which turns even the most loyal fans away. These are some of the biggest writing mistakes which ruin a good story which you should avoid in your own writing:

Abandoning the premise

While some bad stories fail to live up to their premise, others abandon theirs altogether and alienate their existing fanbase. For example, say you have a gritty, relatable drama about regular working-class characters but then halfway through the characters suddenly win the lottery and it turns into a comedic farce about living amongst the wealthy elite. Those are two excellent premises on their own but switching from one to another in the same continuity is just a slap in the face to any fans who enjoyed the original premise.

Forced romantic conflict

I love romance plots with a burning passion, but I completely despise those which are inserted into a story for the sake of it, or which rely upon outdated or unpopular plots such as a love triangle, affair, or misunderstanding. If you do want to include a romance plot or test the couple, at least make it meaningful and fitting with the story and characters.

A delve into darkness

It is beneficial for a story to become increasingly dark as it goes on, since it gradually ups the stakes and provides deeper conflict. Yet more writers seem to be under the impression that they need to make the story as dark and disturbing as possible early on, which only makes the characters unlikeable and the story too depressing to follow or finish. Game of Thrones is probably the main cause of this trend, yet what most people don’t realise is that despite the increasingly dark tone, there still remains an element of hope that our favourite characters may still survive and fix everything. That is what keeps us enthralled with the series, not the endless stream of blood, death, and rape.

Dragging out the drama

In a failed attempt to keep fans interested, some writers drag out their conflicts almost indefinitely, or at least way past the point when they should have been concluded. This can actually have the opposite effect in turning fans away from the plot, since they have little incentive to follow it if they don’t believe it will ever be solved. Similarly, if you introduce a mystery or burning question into the narrative, don’t drag it along further than it needs to, otherwise the fans will stop caring.

Hitting the reset button

Have you ever reached a satisfying conclusion for a season of a tv show or a book in a series, only for the author to suddenly undo it all at the very end, or set up yet another long string of incredibly similar challenges for the characters to face? It fails because it makes the entire journey you have just followed feel completely pointless, and hints that the next instalment will just be a rehash of the first. If you are writing a series, build upon each new instalment with something new and the fans will stay interested for as long as you write it.

Too many plot twists

Plot twists are like rollercoasters; exiting when ridden one at a time, but if you ride several one after another then you’re just going to feel sick. If you have too many plot twists or plot twists which are too close together, the fans will barely be able to catch their breath before the next one comes along. Generally, I would say limit yourself to only one or two plot twists per book or season and give the fans plenty of breathing room each time to process them.

An unsatisfactory ending

Whether the story ends with joy or tragedy, it at least needs to be satisfactory and fitting to what the rest of the story has been building up to. No matter how good the rest of the story is, a bad ending will taint the entire thing and leave fans raging.

 

Which writing mistakes do you think ruin a good story? What has made you hate a story that you used to love? Tell me in the comments below!

 

Top Four Book Subplots Which Were Better Than the Main Plot

20 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by in author, Common Criticism, criticism, dumbass in distress, fantasy, romance, story, villain, writing, writing advice

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Subplots and side characters serve an important narrative role in fiction. They fill out the world and break up the story so that the main cast aren’t overwhelmed with solving every problem. This is why authors should give just as much love and attention to them as they do the main plot and characters. But there are some books in which the subplots and the characters within them are actually better than the main plot. Sometimes you find yourself dragging through the main plot and waiting with anticipation for the subplot to start up again. These are some subplots which I liked far better than the novel’s main plot (again, this is all opinion based, so don’t get your panties in a bunch if I include something you like):

Eragon – Roran’s story

The main plot: A Gary-Stu stumbles upon an adorable baby dragon and a bunch of other abilities and makes a lot of powerful friends. They travel the world of inexplicable geography to rip of Star Wars and every other fantasy story ever to take down the evil emperor, who is only evil because the author says he is. At one point the protagonist spends an entire chapter hanging around some woods and thinking about how ants are neat.

The sub plot: A normal farm boy with no special powers or privileges goes out into a world he barely knows to avenge his fallen father, save the survivors of his village, and rescue his true love, all so that he can return to living a normal life with the ones he loves.

So awesome that they were of course cut from the movie

The Hunger Games – Basically any of the other subplots

The main plot: A girl appears on a reality tv death show, takes down the government, and still has time for the most overblown love triangle ever. All for a poorly thought out social commentary that rich people are bad (who knew?).

The sub plot: Two kindred spirits both suffering from post-traumatic stress have a forbidden romance with one of them being used by the President as a sex slave, yet still help the other deal with their mental issues. When they finally wind up happy together, one of them is unceremoniously killed off-page.

The other sub plot: At age 12, Rue is already caring for her younger siblings until she is chosen for The Hunger Games, or super happy death camp. She survives for a long time thanks to her hiding abilities until her death sparks the first riot amongst the regular population which leads to the takedown of the government.

How the entire series went in my head

His Dark Materials – Mary Malone and the mulefa

The main plot: Two super special awesome kids with overpowered plot devices go on a quest to kill God, despite having no real qualms against him, go to the world of the dead just because they can, and have a tragic ending for no real reason. The message is that religion is a lie, even though God and the afterlife literally exist in this multiverse.

The sub plot: A nun-turned-scientist discovers gateways between worlds and comes to live with a bizarre alternate reality race who help her uncover the nature of the entire universe and how to save it.

The Princess Bride – Inigo Montoya’s revenge

The main plot: In the book version at least, two overblown romance novel stereotypes with no real personalities or likeable attributes go through a bunch of overblown romance novel clichés and almost die for each other BECAUSE TRUE LOVE!!

The sub plot: A man who witnessed his father’s murder as a child dedicates his entire life to avenging him, but instead becomes a washed up drunk assisting the main idiots with their stupid problems. He finally gets his revenge in the most awesome fight scene ever and becomes a legendary pirate, showing us how far a person will really go for the sake of true love.

The real reason we all read the book

Top Five Anime Cliches That Novelists Should Avoid

13 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by in anime, Common Criticism, criticism, fantasy, romance, shojo, story, villain, writing, writing advice

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When I began my first novel, I spent a lot of my free time watching anime. This bled into my writing and caused me to fill my book with characters and plot elements similar to those I had seen in anime.

It was only when I looked back at my first drafts that I saw just how out of place this influence was. These tropes are perfectly acceptable in anime, even if most of them are considered clichés, but don’t belong in a novel. If you’re having the same problem that I had, these are some of the anime stereotypes to look out for and leave out of your novel:

Complex love charts

Practically every anime has a complex chart of who has a crush on who, setting the ground for how the chart will be sorted out and who is going to end up with who in the end. A novel doesn’t have the same amount of time for relationship development as a 52-episode anime, so it won’t have the space to solve such a complex love chart. Novel readers also aren’t as into love triangles as anime fans are, despite what publishers will have you believe. Keep your love charts as simple as possible and resolve them fully by the end of your book.

But the chart says…

Anime hair

I’m majorly jealous of the girls in anime. They all have wacky hair colours in styles that are impossible in real life. It’s tempting to give your novel characters a similar appearance in order to make them a little more different or quirky. But while we expect girls in anime to have weird hair colours and styles, it won’t make as much sense in a novel, unless you can somehow explain where a medieval-esque fantasy society are getting so much hair dye.

Oh sure, it’s easy when you wear a wig…

Casual physical abuse

The trademark of the ‘yandere’ character is to punch their love interest into the sunset for the smallest of mistakes. Not only is this considered horribly abusive behaviour, it makes the characters despicable, not lovable. In real life, this person would either be in jail or undergoing severe psychiatric treatment. If your novel characters abuse their partners, or anyone else, it should only be if you are writing them as purposefully villainous.

Typical anime love interest

Harems

A classic anime story – A completely normal, average guy, serving as the surrogate for the romantically frustrated male audience, winds up with at least half a dozen beautiful young girls, who all magically love him despite his complete lack of a personality. It’s a male fantasy that may work in anime and visual novel games, but has no place in actual novels.

Not pictured: Personality

Lovable pervert

I think it’s fairly obvious what this character is all about. It’s difficult to make an outwardly perverted character likeable, as they will come across as creepy and rapey instead. If you try to make this character into the love interest, it will be even more unbelievable, as nobody will believe that this person can magically become monogamous through the power of love. Your novel characters may experience attraction or a sexual awakening like everyone does, but try to keep their perversions to a minimum.

Top five books with good premise but bad execution

27 Sunday Aug 2017

Posted by in author, book review, criticism, fantasy, musings, romance, steampunk, story, top 5 list, writing

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If you could name one thing in common with all your favourite books, it would probably be that they all have an excellent premise. Perhaps it is a new twist on an old genre, a unique location, or a fascinating character. It is the thing which made you choose the book over thousands of others on the shelves.

But like me, you might have frequently found yourself drawn into a book by its excellent premise only to find that the content of the book is severely lacking, or not what you were expecting. These are some of the books I have read which I had high hopes for but which I felt weren’t carried out well (this is all opinion based so don’t get your panties in a bunch if I slag off a book that you like):

Obsidian Mirror by Catherine Fisher

The premise: A teenage boy travels to a remote English villa to find out what happened to his missing father, and uncovers mysterious secrets.

The execution: Mystery, time travel, steampunkish tech, faeries, and some other stuff I just didn’t get all jammed together into one book. This book had a strong opening, but then threw so much stuff at me all at once that I barely had time to take it all in or keep track of what was going on.

The King’s Sister by Anne O’Brien

The premise: A story about Elizabeth of Lancaster, sister of King Henry IV and a little-known figure of history.

The execution: Medieval soap-opera melodrama and problems which were either solved way too quickly or just seemed to solve themselves eventually anyway.

Bearers of the Black Staff by Terry Brooks

The premise: A highly different fantasy which is set not in another world or the distant past, but in the post-apocalyptic far future.

The execution: Just another bog-standard sword-and-sorcery fantasy. There are so many things that could have been done with this premise- Magic duels in the ruins of skyscrapers, contemporary stories becoming folklore, everyday modern objects viewed as sacred artefacts. If you want this same premise done much better, read the Mortal Engines series instead.

The Wolf Princess by Cathryn Constable

The premise: A teenage orphan and her friends get the chance to travel to a remote palace in Russia and uncover hidden family secrets.

The execution: Cliched characters, a protagonist who is barely active in her own story, and huge, completely noticeable plot holes.

Dragon’s Child by M.K. Hume

The premise: An origin story for King Arthur, focusing heavily on the Roman Britain setting.

The execution: Murder, rape, torture, paedophilia, slavery, and just plain uncomfortable reading.

 

What are some books which you thought were going to be great but severely let you down? Tell me in the comments below.

How to write a love/hate relationship

20 Sunday Aug 2017

Posted by in author, Common Criticism, criticism, romance, story, writing, writing advice

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I’ve previously written about some of the classic romance writing tropes which I can’t stand, and today I have another to add to the list: Love/hate relationships. These are fictional relationships in which a couple do nothing but fight, sometimes even physically abuse each other, yet at the insistence of the author and the rest of the cast, it is evidence that they are falling in love.

It’s clear why this type of relationship in fiction isn’t too popular anymore and why people are beginning to severely question it. Who looks at a real-life couple arguing and thinks that is what they want from a relationship? It isn’t very romantic to hook up with someone when you still hate them.

Yet readers still love reading about interesting and complex relationships and a dynamic between two incredibly strong-willed individuals working through their feelings can be a good one when done correctly. Hate turning to love is still a popular fanfiction plot as readers enjoy seeing how their favourite characters can go from one emotional extreme to the other. They just don’t want to be tricked into supporting an unrealistic couple with no reason to love one another. These are some of the top ways to write a believable love/hate relationship without dipping into abusive territory:

Write a character arc

The golden rule of writing applies to love/hate relationships too. Rather than showing a couple spend an entire work of fiction bickering then have them suddenly admit their attraction and hook up at the end, give them an actual character arc to show how they and their relationship change over the course of the story. Show how intense hatred can turn to intense love through character interaction gradually softening the relationship.

Overcome a character flaw

An integral part of the character arc is to show a character with a severe flaw which they come to realise and improve. Perhaps the reason your characters start out in a love/hate relationship is because one or both has trust issues or was raised in an abusive household. These can explain the character’s motivation and give them an interesting Hero’s Journey which the readers will want to follow.

Make it comedic

Another way you can get away with a love/hate relationship is to write it in a comedic context. This stems all the way back to Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, possibly the very first love/hate relationship story. We can laugh at Benedick and Beatrice’s quips yet still have the sense that they genuinely care for each other and feel happy when they sort things out at the end.

Gielgud_and_Leighton_in_Much_Ado_1959

Don’t write physical or mental abuse

The main criticism against love/hate relationships is that authors confuse abusive behaviour with regular domestic arguments, or believe that regular fights are a normal part of relationships. Thankfully people are now waking up to how damaging this message is, but there are still too many borderline abusive relationships in fiction. Arguments may be a common part of relationships, but they should be presented in a constructive manner to allow a couple to air their grievances occasionally, not happen all the time. It should go without saying that physically abusive behaviour has no place in a romance, not even in a comedic context.

Make it purposefully self-destructive

You might, however, decide to go down the opposite route and write this type of relationship as self-destructive on purpose. This can demonstrate the realities of a co-dependant relationship and how it will rarely work out. There are many fascinating real-life examples of couples with a ‘can’t live with them, can’t live without them’ type dynamic. For example, the biopic Sid and Nancy depicts the real-life relationship between the Sex Pistols’ bassist Sid Vicious and his girlfriend Nancy Spungen and the disastrous impact it had on their lives.

 

What are some good and bad examples of love/hate relationships that you have seen in fiction? Tell me in the comments below.

Top Five Excuses Made by Bad Writers

27 Thursday Jul 2017

Posted by in author, Common Criticism, criticism, self publishing, story, Uncategorized, writing, writing advice

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The world is full of bad writers. While most of them lurk in obscurity, some of them actually get their work published to less than staller acclaim. Many of them will take on board criticism to try and improve their craft. Others accept that writing isn’t for them and find something else to do with their lives. But some writers will respond to criticism by coming up with excuses to defend their work and prove any negative comments wrong. This is by far the most immature way you can respond to criticism and isn’t going to change anybody’s negative opinion. If you find yourself making any of the following excuses, it may be time to re-think your writing:

‘It has an important message’

The majority of stories do have some kind of message or moral to them, but that doesn’t mean that every story needs one. What irked many people about the critical and audience response to the Seth Rogan film Sausage Party (the one about food having sex) is that they forgave the lowest common denominator humour and racist stereotyping because it supposedly had an important message about blindly following religion. This type of message is completely out of place in a film which exists only for shock humour.

Just as bad is a story entirely about an important issue (such as the string of cyber bullying films which have come out in the past few years). These types of ‘issue stories’ are incredibly difficult to portray correctly and generally need experts on the issue to get right. Yet if the story does fail, creators will assume that any critics are against whatever message it was trying to convey.

‘It’s dark and gritty’

After the success of grim dark stories such as A Song of Ice and Fire, new authors seemed to get the idea that everything else needed to be dark and gritty too. I love fiction that isn’t afraid to take risks or delve into controversial territory, but again that doesn’t necessarily mean that every story needs to do so. The cynical tone works in A Song of Ice and Fire because it’s supposed to be a cynical work and the opposite of the classic heroic fantasy such as Lord of the Rings or the Narnia series. Certainly write grim dark if you want to, but don’t feel as if you need to.

‘It’s not meant to win awards’

Not all books are written to be great works of art or to teach important lessons. But all books should at least entertain, because that is their primary purpose. Even if your story is aimed at the lowest common denominator audience, at least write something that will entertain them otherwise your effort put into writing will be a waste of time.

‘It’s only for children’

This is by far the most infuriating excuse that anybody hears. Even today people are under the assumption that since children are easier to entertain, stories written for them don’t need to be as good as the ones written for adults. This is a load of bullcrap. First of all, parents frequently watch or read a story along with their children and need to be entertained by it too. Second, children may be less critical about fiction but that doesn’t mean they are stupid and need to be pandered towards. We remember the stories we loved the best as children into our adulthood and return to them fondly later on in our lives. If anything, writing for children is harder and should have more effort put into it.

‘I worked really hard on this’

Generally the more time and effort put into a piece of writing, the better it turns out. It’s easy to spot a half-arsed piece of work that the writer rushed through to try and publish it quickly and it’s just as easy to spot a work which the author has lovingly poured all of their attention into. But even some of the most memorably awful stories out there still had blood, sweat, and tears put into them. The upcoming film The Disaster Artist is about the real life story of how director/writer Tommy Wiseau put so much effort into his magnum opus The Room and yet it still turned into one of the most laughably awful films ever. If people are criticising your work despite the effort you put into it, it’s because you haven’t fully developed your craft yet, you didn’t put in enough work, or you put the work into the wrong areas.

 

Are there any more excuses made by bad writers that you have heard? List them in the comments below!

Top Five Things to Cut From Your Next Draft

10 Monday Jul 2017

Posted by in author, Common Criticism, Editing, fantasy, indie, romance, self publishing, story, villain, writing, writing advice

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I’ve been reviewing and editing books for several years now and have only recently quit editing to focus exclusively on writing. In that time, however, I did notice several trends in multiple books which I had to either edit out or left me no choice but to give the book a negative review despite its positive qualities. These are some of the most common mistakes made by writers which you need to cut from the next draft of your own book if you want publish your book and avoid bad reviews:

Excessive Description

This is by far the most common mistake I see in self-published fiction. It’s why the last draft of my own novel was only 85,000 words in length. Many amateur authors who haven’t yet learnt about proper editing feel the need to provide overly long descriptions of nearly every element of their book, usually in the form of long exposition dumps. Perhaps it is the education system which gives them the idea that their fiction needs to go into just as much detail as their college essays. Readers don’t care about how much thought you have put into the sewage systems of your fantasy city. They don’t care about the flower arrangements at the funeral of the protagonist’s mother but rather in how her death impacted the protagonist emotionally.

Nobody is getting to the story until we answer all of these questions!

Tangents

Similarly, readers don’t like reading long author tracts or dialogue that spins off into a lengthy tangent. In real life conversations we often go off on tangents and they can even be quite fun at times, but they also distract from what we are supposed to be talking about. It works the same in fiction. Unless the tangent is genuinely going somewhere, cut it out and get back to the important dialogue.

Showing Off

Oh, so you have a degree in medieval history? You have a large vocabulary? You know all about ancient Persian refrigeration systems? Those are impressive feats, but I don’t care about them and neither do your readers. They want to read a good story, not an essay on what you learnt at the museum.

Forced Messages

Fiction is a great forum for sharing your views on real life issues, but it must be done so in a way which supports the plot and doesn’t feel out of place. There’s nothing worse in fiction than the plot being halted for someone to give a long speech about saving the whales or whatever forced message the author is trying to convey. What I love so much about the His Dark Materials series is that Philip Pullman wrote in his criticisms of organised religion in the form of an exciting adventure plot which incorporated many different elements from real life mythology. For me, half the fun of reading the books is spotting these references. They invite young readers to ask questions without turning the characters into preachy mouthpieces for the author’s own opinions.

‘But the plight of orphaned guinea pigs is important!’

I can’t believe I still have to say this but your personal prejudices should be left out of your books as well, as I still read far too many books which openly integrate the author’s own racist, homophobic, or sexist views. There’s a reason why prejudiced characters are usually the villains in books, not the heroes.

Pointless Romance Subplots

Personally I love romance plots and always try to fill my books with as many unique and interesting relationships as possible. Yet I have also cut out just as many relationships when I realised I was only putting them in for the sake of having a romance, not because they contributed to the story or the character’s ongoing arc.

Forcing in pointless romance subplots also runs the risk of including a female character for the primary function of serving as a love interest and not contributing anything else. For instance, Ygritte is one of my favourite characters in A Song of Ice and Fire and I greatly enjoyed reading her romance with Jon Snow. So you can imagine how disappointed I was when she didn’t contribute anything else to the story and barely impacted on Jon Snow’s long term development.

Remember that marriage, children, and a house in the suburbs may be the happy ending for some characters, but not for all of them. And it should go without saying but please please please do not put an incest romance in your novel. For the last time, we do not like them.

Their marriage fell apart when they realised they were a forced subplot.

How to Write a Long Term Relationship

19 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by in anime, author, Common Criticism, My Little Pony Friendship is Magic, romance, shojo, story, writing, writing advice

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There is a reason why most love stories end at the ‘happily ever after’ part; after we’ve seen the couple finally confess their love or defeat the obstacles which were preventing them from getting together, we like to believe that they skipped merrily into the sunset and never had any problems ever again. We don’t like to acknowledge that in reality, even the most loving relationships can still have problems, and most don’t work out at all. It doesn’t help that most couples in fiction who are supposed to be a representation of true love wouldn’t work out for very long in the real world. This leads to many writers depicting a long term couple as boring, relying upon old stereotypes, or piling unnecessary drama upon them.

As someone who has been in a long term relationship for nearly 12 years (I’m only 28, by the way), I can tell you that there are ways that you can write one and make it just as interesting and heart-warming as a couple who have only just gotten together. Here are a few top ways:

Dealing with realistic issues

Rather than using a string of soap opera melodrama to test the couple’s relationship, it is much better to show them going through realistic and relatable issues. This could be health problems, issues with their families, or the stress of raising a child. These are the real tests of a relationship which determine if it will last. Readers will respond to them much more than yet another forced temporary breakup.

For instance, in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadence and Shining Armour are supposed to be the literal embodiment of romantic love, but they were criticized for being too perfect. In recent seasons they had a baby, Flurry Heart, and had to deal with the stress of caring for their first child, which turned opinions on the characters around and suddenly made them much more realistic and grounded.

Animated ponies are more relatable than most soap opera characters

Five love languages

Author Gary Chapman theorised in his book The Five Love Languages that there are five ways that couples show love for each other, and that we need all of them, not just one or two, to make a relationship work long term. These are gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical contact. Ensure that your fictional couples use all of these to show how their relationship remains strong.

Leave out the arguments

I for one am really sick of the so-called joke of two people arguing ‘like an old married couple’ as proof that they are a perfect couple. It is true that even the best relationships do involve arguments over petty things such as leaving the fridge door open or who was supposed to take the dog for a walk. We all get stressed at times or make mistakes so it is inevitable. But readers don’t want to be reminded of these disputes when they are indulging in escapism, so it’s best to leave them out of your fiction.

Have the relationship evolve

One of the things I love about the Japanese anime My Love Story is that the love confession scene, which would be at the end of any other anime, happens in episode three out of 24. The rest of the show is dedicated to the two figuring out their first major relationship by going on dates, setting up their friends, and getting to know each other’s families. It goes to show that you can definitely have a romance story arc that doesn’t end after ‘I love you’.

Don’t make the reader question why they’re married

For decades, mainstream television was under the apprehension that arguments and constant disagreements are a normal, and even preferable, part of relationships. But attitudes towards marriage, divorce, and family have since changed, so when modern audiences look back at these old shows, they usually say ‘but why don’t that couple just get divorced?’. Youtuber The Mysterious Mr Enter deconstructed it perfectly in this video and I agree with every word he says:

Today’s consumers aren’t accepting of actions that can be interpreted as abusive and are bored to tears of nagging wives babysitting their lazy husbands. Many of them might have even grown up in these types of households and have experienced first-hand why they are so destructive in real life. So no matter what, don’t make your readers question why your couple ever got together in the first place or why they are accepting of a miserable living situation.

Write them as characters

In cartoons it is normal to have stock parent characters who are only ever referred to as ‘Mum and Dad’ even by other characters. Am I the only person who has noticed how weird that is? But you hopefully aren’t writing this type of story. You want to write your long term couple or parent characters as people, not stick figures. Give them backstories, goals, likes and dislikes, and everything else you would give your protagonists and they will become some of the most memorable and lovable characters of all.

20 years later and I’m still trying to figure out their names.