• Home
  • Tales From Undersea
  • My Stories
  • About Me
  • Blog

Wood the Writer

~ Author of Tales From Undersea

Wood the Writer

Category Archives: story

Writing update – Janurary 2021

18 Monday Jan 2021

Posted by Jessica Wood in adaptation, author, Blog, Editing, indie, pirate, self publishing, steampunk, story, writing update

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

am writing, creative writing, dieselpunk, steampunk, writing, writing update

I haven’t posted many actual updates since the first book in my series came out. Rest assured, I’m already in the swing of the next two books in the series.

Book 2 – Stealing From Thieves: I got feedback from beta readers which was mostly positive, but did point out some things to correct, which I have done. The book is almost ready to begin the editing phase. I did plan to have this book finished by the end of 2020, but the feedback took longer than I anticipated. Now I’m planning to have it published by Midsummer this year, and hopefully to have the paperback ready to publish at the same time as the e-book.

Book 3 – Outcast’s Alliance: I’m looking over the first draft which I wrote at the end of last year. I expected it to be full of plot holes and errors, which it is, but not nearly as many as I feared. Dare I say it, it’s actually pretty good. Or at least it will be once it’s edited. Once I’ve finished making notes, I’ll be starting the second draft. I plan to have this book finished and ready to publish by the end of 2021.

Other books: I just can’t help myself. Even with these other two books to write and one to promote, I’m still developing ideas for future books in the series, and other series. I just don’t know which one I will work on immedietly after I’ve finished this current trilogy. I’ll probably leave it up to whatever the readers want the most. I’m already planning two one-off sequels to the first Tales From Undersea trilogy focusing on some of the secondary characters who have already proved popular with readers (and with me!). I’m also planning a dieselpunk trilogy set in the same world but moved ahead to the 1920s and set in an underwater version of New York City. A non-related series I’m also developing ideas for is a series based upon the Jules Verne books (can you tell yet that I like Jules Verne?). But that is still in the very early stages of development, so I can’t say anything else about the plot or characters.

Join my newsletter for more writing updates, free stories, and special offers.

Top Seven Books I Read in 2020

07 Thursday Jan 2021

Posted by Jessica Wood in adaptation, author, Blog, books, fantasy, story

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

books, fantasy, mystery, read in 2020, reading, thriller, young adult

For everything 2020 was, it was at least a great year for staying in and reading. I topped my personal best by reading 52 books this year, according to Goodreads. These are some of the best books I read this year (note that this is ‘books I read in 2020’ and not ‘books that were released in 2020’):

  1. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

I watched the tv show before I read the book, which is the opposite of what I usually do. But the tv show was good enough to get me to read the book, and I really enjoyed both, for much the same reasons. It was just the sort of hilarious book I needed this year. And I can’t help but ship Crowley and Aziraphale.

2. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

Another Neil Gaiman book. I loved this one for its creepier atmosphere and the surprising twist which I almost didn’t believe even after I had just read it.

3. The Daemoniac by Kat Ross

Not only do I enjoy a good lady detective book (I’m actually planning one myself) but I also adore Victorian settings, gothic storylines, and Sherlock Holmes re-tellings. This book has them all. I’ll definitely be checking out more from this author.

4. You by Caroline Kepnes

I love the Netflix series, and the book doesn’t disappoint, either. It has some differences from the show, but also has more of an insight into Joe’s head, which makes him ten times creepier.

5. The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater

This one had been on my ‘to read’ list for a while and I finally got around to reading it. Once again, I wasn’t disappointed. If tend to find that when the reading community on Tumblr is constantly recommending something, I should probably check it out. That was definitely true for this book. I loved the bleakness of the remote setting (it almost reminded me of Craggy Island!) and the unique and often terrifying take on selkies.

6. Last Battle of the Icemark by Stuart Hill

I don’t see many people talking about this series anymore, which is a real shame. It has a compelling cast of characters, worldbuilding based upon several different historic cultures, and an exciting story. This last book was particularly exciting, and I loved seeing what happened to Medea.

7. Sword and Pen by Rachel Caine

I finally read the last book in my favourite series, and what an ending it was! It was the perfect way to end the series, except for the fact that my favourite couple didn’t get married! I was sad to hear that Rachel Caine passed away at the end of last year, since she was my favourite author and a large inspiration to me and many other writers. I still hope that readers can still find and enjoy her books, regardless.

 

What were the best books you read in 2020? What are you most looking forward to reading this year? Tell me in the comments!

Join my newsletter for more book-related news!

Traitor’s Revenge is out now in paperback

03 Sunday Jan 2021

Posted by Jessica Wood in author, Blog, book launch, pirate, self publishing, steampunk, story, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

book, book release, paperback, paperback release, steampunk, steampunk book, steampunk fiction, ya, ya literature, young adult literature

I hope that everybody had a fun and safe Christmas and New Year and that you’re now getting back into the swing of work. Or maybe you’re still working through those Christmas sweets!

Traitor’s Revenge, the first Tale From Undersea, is now out in both ebook and paperback format from Amazon. Formatting and putting together the physical book myself was a real headache, so I’m especially proud now that it’s done. I know that the international mail service still has a lot of restrictions and delays (I still haven’t received all of my Christmas presents!) so I hope they will be resolved soon. I will also be doing a ‘wide’ release on other websites soon.

I’m also hard at work on the next few books in the series. I even started working on an additional novella during my Christmas break, when I was supposed to be resting!

Here’s hoping that 2021 will be kinder to all of us!

Get your paperback copy of Traitor’s Revenge from Amazon.

Or join my newsletter for free stories, new releases, updates, and special offers.

Traitor’s Revenge is out now

08 Tuesday Dec 2020

Posted by Jessica Wood in author, Blog, book launch, indie, self publishing, steampunk, story, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

book launch, creative writing, debut author, debut book, steampunk, steampunk book, steampunk fiction, writing, ya, ya fiction, ya literature

After three years of work, my debut novel and first book in the Tales From Undersea, Traitor’s Revenge, is out now on Amazon!

US store

UK store

I know I said it in the book’s acknowledgements, but thanks again to everyone who helped with the book and supported me over the years. I hope to put out many more books in this series!

I’ll be launching the paperback at a later date, as well as publishing the book on other platforms.

Sign up to the Undersea newsletter for new releases, special offers, and exclusive free shorts.

Tales From Undersea: Traitor’s Revenge – Preview

17 Tuesday Nov 2020

Posted by Jessica Wood in author, Blog, book exerpt, indie, self publishing, steampunk, story, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

book excerpt, book preview, book promotion, creative writing, steampunk, writing, ya, young adult, young adult literature

“I won’t mind getting away from those sailor superstitions. I’ll be glad when we can retire and I can finally get my own place on dry land. Free of otters,” Rico said.

“He’s just a baby, he can’t help it,” Shiro retorted, cradling Kappa.

“I can’t sleep at night from that thing screeching.”

“You’re never on time for your shift, anyway.”

“The only cries I should be hearing at night are from whoever I’m-”

“Not in front of the baby!” Shiro yelped, covering Kappa’s ears.

Rico forced his hands away, leant closer to the snuffling otter, and loudly said, “I was just saying to your master that I want to hear-”

“If you traumatise my baby again, I won’t bother patching the cracks above your bed the next time there’s a leak,” Shiro said, pulling Kappa away.

“Just another reason why I need my own place,” Rico said, retreating to the corner to polish his pistol. “I’ve never had a house of my own before,” he added with a dreamy glint in his eye.

“Me neither. It will make a nice change,” Shiro said, staring wistfully at nothing in particular as Kappa chewed on his sleeve.

“You two won’t miss our adventures?” Marina asked, finally putting her book down. It was impossible to concentrate on reading with those two quarrelling, anyway.

“Maybe a little,” Rico said, pausing his polishing for a second to stare at the wall. “We have had some good times on this old clunker.” He knocked the metallic wall, listening to it echo and ripple throughout the entire room.

“Like the time we ran into that dragonturtle,” Thandi said with a grin.

“Or when we found that floating island full of hidden rum barrels,” Warwick added.

“Or the time I fought a narwhal with my bare hands!” Vernon said.

“That never happened!” Julius laughed.

“It did too. I’m putting it in my book,” Vernon said, tapping his quill against the pages of his manuscript.

“But…but retirement will be good too,” Rico said, polishing his gun harder.

“Yes, it will be nice to focus on writing,” Vernon added as he fiddled with his quill.

“Good for you,” Marina grumbled. “I’m only sixteen and my mum is already making me retire.”

“What’s so bad about that? I wish I could have retired when I was sixteen,” Warwick guffawed. “Could’ve saved myself a lot of bother.”

“She’s only doing it because she loves you, Marina. You know that. She wants you to have a better life than all of us have had,” Kei said.

“I’m happy with my life already. What are you going to do with your share, anyway?” Marina asked, looking straight at Kei.

“Well, I won’t have to put up with you lot anymore, for one thing,” Kei said, returning her a tight-lipped smile.

“As if you could go without us for more than two seconds.”

A metallic ringing brought their talk to an abrupt halt and made each of them freeze. The alarm. An approaching enemy. Their card games and books were quickly abandoned as each of them hurried out the door, scattering to their stations.

 

Coming to Amazon December 6th!

Sign up to the Undersea newsletter for an exclusive prologue plus updates, free stories, discounts, and more.

Cover Reveal – Tales From Undersea: Traitor’s Revenge

18 Sunday Oct 2020

Posted by Jessica Wood in art, author, Blog, cover reveal, fantasy, indie, self publishing, steampunk, story

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

author, book, cover reveal, self publishing, steampunk, writing, ya, young adult literature

I’m very excited to reveal the cover of my debut novel, from the wonderful people at Purple Dragon Design.

Here it is:

Traitor’s Revenge is the first in the Undersea series, a YA steampunk/flintlock fantasy series with submarines, pirates, vikings, and mythological sea monsters. You can read the first three chapters here.

This debut book is the result of over ten years developing my writing skills and three years writing the first book. It’s my first step to becoming not just a hobbyist writer but a professional author.

The Amazon e-book release will be in early December, and the paperback and wide (non-Amazon) releases will be coming after that. I’ll be posting all updates on this blog, as well a regular excerpts of the next two books.

Writing update – 16/9/2020

16 Wednesday Sep 2020

Posted by Jessica Wood in author, Blog, Editing, self publishing, story, writing, writing update

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

creative writing, wip, work in progress, writing

I have a projected release date for my first self-published novel – November 3rd 2020. I picked this date because it’s my birthday.

I did send the novel off to some contests but wasn’t shortlisted for any of them. I had also planned to submit it to some publishing houses but decided against it because

  1. Due to the Corona virus outbreak, many small publishing houses which would have taken a niche book like mine have unfortunately closed down.
  2. The publishing houses which are still in business have been overwhelmed putting out their delayed books and dealing with a bigger slush pile (although I do think it’s a good thing that more people have been writing during quarantine).
  3. I just really hate writing synopsis.

I had been planning on self-publishing for a while, anyway, and this also means the book will be out sooner. I know that sales will be slow at first, but it’s still the first steps to becoming a career author, not a hobbyist or part timer.

Progress on the second book in the soon-to-be-published series is also going well. I’m on the developmental edit stage right now, which is taking a while, but once that’s done it will be ready to send to beta readers. My goal right now is to have this second book published by Midsummer next year and the third by New Year’s Eve 2021, so that I can gradually increase the number of books I publish each year and become accustomed to the publishing cycle. But at the rate I’m going, I might be beating those deadlines by several months.

Until then, you can read an excerpt of the novel here.

TV Review – Drifting Dragons

18 Monday May 2020

Posted by Jessica Wood in anime, Blog, criticism, fantasy, musings, series review, steampunk, story, tv, tv review

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

animation, anime, anime review, fantasy, netflix, steampunk, television, tv, tv review

Newbie dragon hunter or ‘draker’ Takita has recently joined the crew of the airship Queen Zaza to work of her debt. But with the price of dragon oil dropping and drakers being treated with increased suspicion, the ship’s crew are barely skimming above the poverty line. Yet to Takita, it is worth it for a life of adventure, new-found friendship, and delicious dragon meat.

What drew me initially to this series was how similar it is to a steampunk series I’m currently writing, so I thought it would be useful research (that’s a good way of justifying procrastination). Yet even if I wasn’t writing steampunk, I would have been drawn to this series anyway by the gorgeous animation, exciting adventure, and the robust cast of amusing characters.

These characters are one of the main draws of the series, being well-rounded and highly likeable. It is almost a shame that the series only lasts for 12 episodes, meaning there isn’t enough time to flesh out all of them. I can only hope that a second season will give some of them more focus.

Food and cooking are a common theme throughout the series, and it is heartwarming to see how cooking up the dragon meat brings the cast together. Even as a vegetarian, a small part of me wants to try the dragon meat!

As a rookie, Takita helps to ease the audience into the world of draking. It also helps that there are several one-off episodes to ease the viewer in before the series gets to the darker and more dramatic multi-episode story arcs.

The stylish animation looks as if it came straight out of Studio Ghibli. The dragons each have unique designs and terrifying powers which sets them apart from the standard fantasy fare.

Although it is established that the dragons are a threat to humans in this world, the fact that they are hunted, butchered, and used as a commodity will put a bad taste in the mouths of some viewers. The parallels to real life whaling only make it more awkward. Yet even this establishes an interesting moral dynamic, as it is made abundantly clear how much the Queen Zaza is struggling for money and that the crew are only hunting dragons because it is their only means of survival in a harsh world which has all but rejected them.

For any viewers who can stomach it, Drifting Dragons is a great show for any fans of steampunk adventure or exciting fantasy.

My verdict – 5 out of 5.

Sign up to my mailing list for more reviews.

Tales From Undersea – Traitor’s Revenge (excerpt)

04 Monday May 2020

Posted by Jessica Wood in author, Blog, book exerpt, self publishing, steampunk, story, villain, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

book, book excerpt, book sample, creative writing, lit, oceanpunk, pirates, seapunk, steampunk, story, vikings, writing

“Move aside. I’ll take her,” a new Viking joined the fight, the others parting to let him pass. Judging by his age, the quality of the axe in his hand, and the commanding tone of his voice, Alethea guessed that this was the Viking Chieftain.

A roar from Iku-turso interrupted their fight. Each of them instinctively covered their ears, forgetting that they were all wearing diving helmets.

“Chief,” one of the Vikings said over the sound. He was a tall Polynesian man with ink black skin and long hair which flowed in the water. His Viking attire was decorated with patterns and symbols of the Polynesian islands and a shark toothed club hung from his holster. The man looked as if he could punch through walls and kill an elephant with a single fist.

“Not now, Inoki,” the Chieftain said, not looking at him as he swam closer to Alethea, who gripped her own sword tighter. She considered how quickly she could draw her gun from her holster and fire, or how quickly she could draw Robert’s gun from its hidden pouch if she needed to.

“Chief, it’s about to rip the Fenrir apart. We need to leave now,” Inoki said, placing a large hand on the Chief’s shoulder.

Alethea risked a glance to see that the creature, blood pouring from its cut tentacle, close to tearing off the Fenrir’s hull. Glances between the Vikings told them that they would have to leave, without the stone.

“Damn you pirate arseholes. Think you rule the entire ocean,” one of the more particularly violent Vikings said, throwing his axe to the ground in frustration. It took him a moment to remember that he was underwater and desperately grabbed it again before it floated to the surface.

The Chieftain said nothing. He kicked himself off his crewmate to cross the distance to Alethea. She barely raised her sword in time to clash against his axe.

“I hope you don’t think Redscalp’s treasure is yours to take, Barracuda,” he growled.

There was something in his voice which shook Alethea. Something which bothered her even more than the axe in his hand or the monster roaring close by.

“Who are you?” she asked without knowing why.

With a motion so swift it made her gasp, he grabbed her arm and pulled her closer. She could see his face clearly through his helmet. She could see his greying red hair streaked across his forehead and his dark brown eyes, looking straight into hers as if he were inspecting her. Even in the cold Nordic sea, her blood seemed to boil.

“I already told you, I’m Petturi Konna. And I am the rightful heir to Redscalp’s treasure. It’s what I’m owed.”

 

For updates, release dates, and special offers sign up to my mailing list.

The Venus King Mysteries – The Mystery of the Plastic Bag. Chapter One.

17 Friday Apr 2020

Posted by Jessica Wood in Blog, story, writing

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

comedy writing, creative writing, mystery, satire, writing

“Have you tried the mortgage advisory board?” Jude droned from behind the desk, occasionally glancing out the window at the sunshine beating down on the streets and the ice cream van rolling past with its tinny music blaring.

“I already tried,” Venus replied, rocking in the chair on the opposite side of the desk. “They fired me after I accused the manager of being an imposter and I pulled on his moustache.”

“What about driving lorries?”

“I suppose being on the road would be useful,” Venus said, rubbing her chin. “But no, it would be bad if a mystery were to occur and I was out of town.”

“Are there any jobs that you’re interested in?” Jude sighed, sinking even deeper into the chair which had become far too accustomed to the shape of her body. “Or any places in town which haven’t fired you yet?”

“It’s not my fault I keep on getting fired! I just can’t concentrate on the job when there’s a mystery to solve,” Venus said, taking her pipe out of her pocket and sucked on the mouthpiece, trying to look thoughtful and distant.

“You can’t smoke in here.”

“It’s alright; it’s made of liquorice,” Venus said, taking a bite to demonstrate. The taste made her gag a little, but it looked cool, which was the most important thing.

“If you don’t try and concentrate, you’ll never be able to hold down a job,” Jude said, holding her hands behind her head.

“It’s not that I don’t want a job,” Venus said, “it’s just that all the ones I do get aren’t… parallel to my interests.”

“And what are your interests?” Jude asked.

“I wish to solve the greatest mysteries which plague the town of Shuffleforth!” Venus said, leaping onto the desk, sending several papers flying and drawing stares from the other people around her. “Be they supernatural or the work of mankind, I, Venus King, will solve them all!”

“Except you need to be a qualified detective to solve crimes,” Jude said, pulling her most important papers away before Venus could leave boot prints on them. “And the supernatural… That’s not even a real job. I don’t have any listings for ‘supernatural detective’ in my database.”

“But that’s what I want to do with my life,” Venus said, finally jumping down from the desk and settling back into her seat. “I think that’s the only thing I could be really good at.”

“Have you ever solved any actual mysteries?” Jude asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well… I found out who was stealing all the newspapers from our street,” Venus answered, her eyes shifting slightly. “Turns out the paperboy was too lazy to deliver them all and was dumping them in the hedges behind the allotments. But isn’t there anything on that database? Anything at all?”

Jude sighed once more and took another long look through the list of jobs on her screen.

“How about this – Quidrealm. You know, the pound shop? They’ve been asking me to send them someone. And there was that girl who-”

“Yes, Madison Wilkinson. The plastic bag. I read all about it,” Venus said, sucking on her candy pipe again.

A few weeks ago, the police had found the body of a young woman named Madison Wilkinson hanging from a telephone post just outside of town. That was strange enough, but what nobody could figure out why she’d been holding a Quidrealm bag. It had been brand new, yet empty. Venus had tried her best to help the investigation, but they had pushed her away as they always did, saying something about how she ‘wasn’t qualified’ and ‘only got in the way’. Eventually the police had put it down to suicide and closed the case. But they’d never explained the plastic bag. It had been bothering Venus ever since.

“I’ll take the case!” Venus said, standing up triumphantly.

“It’s not a case; it’s a job,” Jude said. “But at least we finally found you one. Please try to keep this one for at least a few months.”

“Oh, don’t you worry,” Venus said, “I’ll give this case all the time it needs.”

She marched out of the job centre without so much as a thank you or a goodbye. Not that Jude minded. She was just glad that the girl was out of her hair. For a few days, at least. Until she lost her job again and wound up right back here.

Venus began scanning the manager’s office the moment she entered, searching for clues. The manager hadn’t seemed to notice during the interview, which Venus had aced thanks to her ‘extensive experience’ in retail. She just left out the fact that none of those jobs had lasted longer than six months.

“Well, you have enough experience. And we need somebody right away,” Kerri, the manager, said. “I’ve been short staffed the last few weeks since somebody left unexpectedly. And most of the ones the job centre send don’t last long.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen with me,” Venus said, hoping that her eyes weren’t shifting too much.

“That’s good to hear. Stick around here for long enough and you’ll go far here at Quidrealm. In five years’ time, you could be where I am right now,” Kerri said. Venus smiled and swallowed a lump in her throat, severely hoping that it wouldn’t happen.

Of course it wouldn’t, she told herself. She was a detective. A sleuth. An investigator of both the paranormal and more-or-less normal. That was her calling and her purpose in life. She wasn’t going to be stuck here.

She was taken to a back room and given a scratchy shirt and a badge which said ‘Xander’.

“We don’t have any Venuses,” Kerri said as she rifled through the box of badges, sporting the names of employees who had already left Quidrealm behind. A surprisingly large amount for a store which had only been open for seven years, Venus noticed. “You’ll have to wear this until we can get a new one.”

“Not a problem,” Venus said as she attached ‘Xander’ to her chest. The name on her badge didn’t matter much, anyway.

“You’ll have to do something about your hair,” Kerri said as she took her in with an upturned nose.

“What’s wrong with my hair?” Venus asked as she gripped one of the curls she’d been up half the night styling just for this interview. She took pride in her blonde locks and the Victorian style curls which were so important to her aesthetic.

“You have to wear it up.”

“Oh, of course,” Venus said, finding an old rubber band in her pocket left over from a previous failed retail job. “Because of the fresh fruit and vegetables.”

“We don’t sell those.”

“Then why-”

“Store policy,” Kerri answered. Her gaze remained fixed on Venus, still unsatisfied. “Don’t you have any proper shoes?”

“These… aren’t proper shoes?” Venus asked as she lifted one of her brown loafers, freshly polished.

“Uniform rules are black shoes only.”

“But aren’t I going to be behind the counter? Nobody will even see my shoes.”

“Wear black shoes from tomorrow,” Kerri answered, not waiting for any reply as she led Venus out the door.

So far so good, she thought. Despite her apparently inappropriate and highly illegal shoes. She’d passed the first trial and gotten through the gate. Now all she needed to do was find some more information.

“I heard about that girl who was found mur… dead with a Quidrealm bag in her hand,” Venus said as she followed Kerri through the back rooms.

“Yes,” Kerri said as she opened the door to the shop floor. It was mostly empty except for a small child pulling things out of their packages and leaving them on the floor. Neither Kerri or the child’s mother seemed to notice or remotely care. “That was terrible publicity for us. Sales went down two percent the week afterwards.”

“So how exactly did she come to have that bag in her hand?” Venus asked, reaching for the notebook and pen she always kept in her pocket. “Do you know what was in it?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Kerri said sharply as they reached the cash registers. “You know how to use an electronic register, I assume?”

“Oh yes, I’ve used lots,” Venus said. She was about to launch into several more questions about Madison’s death but Kerri spoke first.

“Lavender here will show you what to do. If you need me, I’ll be in the office,” she said before walking abruptly back the way she’d come.

“Hi, I’m Lavender!” the woman behind the counter said. Taking a single look at her, it was clear the name suited her. She bore lavender eyeshadow, lavender lipstick, and bore a scent of cheap lavender perfume which made Venus cough a little. Her smile was impossibly large and she wore her tacky uniform as if she’d been born in it.

“Venus,” she introduced herself with a handshake. No lavender nail polish, she noticed with surprise. That must have been a store policy, too.

“Welcome to the Quidrealm family!”

“Family?”

“Yes, we’re all a family here. Just think of me as your mum.”

Venus didn’t want to tell her that she already had a mum, even one who didn’t support her sleuthing dreams and questioned why she couldn’t find a ‘nice normal’ job and move out. But she didn’t have time to argue back before Lavender was tugging her behind the register which was to be hers.

“Alright, let’s get you all set up and then you’ll be ready to serve the customers!” Lavender said as if they were preparing to put on a parade. She grinned through Lavender’s demonstration of how the electronic register worked – which Venus already knew – and the process of serving customers – which she was more than familiar with – then had her stand and watch as she served a few customers.

“Now you’re ready to serve customers of your own,” she said as if she’d just graduated from astronaut training and was about to go on the first mission to Mars.

It wasn’t that much different than any other retail job she’d ever worked. The customer didn’t have their money ready even after waiting in line for ten minutes, answered several phone calls, and left without so much of a ‘thank you’ with their single pack of gum. He did take the time to call her ‘Xander’ in a highly mocking tone, though.

“Easy,” Venus said with a smile.

“Oh dear, Venus. You forgot the most important thing of all,” Lavender said with a slightly flattened smile which might have been her equivalent of a frown.

“What?” Venus asked. “I smiled, I said ‘thank you’ and ‘have a nice day’. I even checked his ID for the energy drink he didn’t buy.”

“But you forgot all about the upselling,” Lavender said, sweeping a hand over the box of candy hotdogs next to the counter. “You must ask every customer who comes to your counter if they want any Sweetdogs today.”

“Why exactly?”

“So Quidrealm can earn more money, silly!”

“What happens if we don’t try to upsell these?”

“Then you don’t get a ranking on the leaderboard.”

“What happens if you’re at the top of the leaderboard?”

“It means you upsold the most for the week.”

“I know what it means, but what do you get? What’s the reward?”

“You get to be at the top of the leaderboard!”

Venus wanted to say more, but had a feeling that there wasn’t anything more to add. So, she turned to the next customer who had now arrived at her counter, and put on a practised fake smile.

“Welcome to Quidrealm!” she said as she reached into the customer’s basket.

“What do you mean ‘welcome’? I’ve been here for half an hour already,” the customer said, a large middle-aged woman with a face like a storm.

“I… sorry…” Venus said, trying to scan and bag her collection of discounted Easter chocolate, emoji pillows, and crisps which tasted like sandpaper. Finally bagging the last item, she caught Lavender’s enthusiastic smile and nod in the corner of her vision before she turned to the customer and asked. “Would you like any Sweetdogs today?”

“What?” the woman said, looking up from her smartphone as if she’d only just realised that Venus was there.

“Uh… Sweetdogs?” Venus asked, tapping the smiley hotdog on the back of the display box. How a candy hotdog could smile when it knew it was about to be eaten didn’t make sense to Venus, but then again she was a sleuth and not a marketing executive.

“Are they free?”

“Uh… no. They’re £1. Just like everything in the shop.”

“Why you asking me then?” the customer growled.

So much for upselling, Venus thought as she finished the transaction.

“That’s £33.10,” she read.

“What?” the customer said as if Venus had just insulted her entire family. “Why is it so expensive? I thought everything was a quid.”

“Well… you bought all the Easter chocolate and 14 bags of crisps,” Venus said. “And the plastic bags are 10p each.”

“10p for a plastic bag?”

“Yes. Plastic bags have cost that much for a while now. It’s because they’re not bio-degradable, so we want to encourage people not to use-”

“Fine, whatever!” the customer said, slamming her debit card in front of Venus, nearly denting the countertop.

“It’s contactless, madam,” Venus said, pointing to the card machine with a shaking hand.

“Well how the hell was I supposed to know that?” the customer grumbled as she made a big show of holding her card against the machine in the right direction. When it beeped and Venus’ screen recorded that the transaction had gone through, she breathed a sigh of relief. She was even more thankful when she heard the buzz of the printer spitting out the receipt and the customer picked up her heaving bags.

“Your receipt,” Venus said, handing the long stirp of paper to the customer.

“I don’t need that!” the customer said. “I thought you said you didn’t want to waste paper.”

Before Venus could say anything else, she left the store still muttering to herself. Venus turned to Lavender, who smiled back at her.

“I’m sure the next time will be better,” she said.

 

I’ve wanted to write a mystery story ever since watching A Series of Unfortunate Events, and this is a plot I thought of whilst I was bored at my previous retail job.

I was taking a break between the first and second drafts of a different novel and felt like writing something fun and lighthearted, and this is the result. I’d like to finish and publish it eventually, but until then I thought I’d post it here to see if anybody would like it. Let me know in the comments what you think and if you’d like to read more. Or sign up to my mailing list for updates.

← Older posts

JOIN MY NEWSLETTER

Contact me

jessica@woodthewriter.com

Social

  • View @JWoodWrites’s profile on Twitter
  • View jwoodwrites’s profile on Instagram
  • View jessicawood21’s profile on Pinterest
  • View jessicawood10’s profile on Flickr
  • View jwoodwrites’s profile on Tumblr

Categories

Archives

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Follow Wood the Writer on WordPress.com

Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries feed
  • Comments feed
  • WordPress.com

Flickr Photos

DSCF4530DSCF4527DSCF4524DSCF4528
More Photos

Blog at WordPress.com.

Cancel
Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy