Category Archives: romance

How to Write a Long Term Relationship

19 Monday Jun 2017

Posted by in anime, author, Common Criticism, romance, shojo, story, writing, writing advice

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There is a reason why most love stories end at the ‘happily ever after’ part; after we’ve seen the couple finally confess their love or defeat the obstacles which were preventing them from getting together, we like to believe that they skipped merrily into the sunset and never had any problems ever again. We don’t like to acknowledge that in reality, even the most loving relationships can still have problems, and most don’t work out at all. It doesn’t help that most couples in fiction who are supposed to be a representation of true love wouldn’t work out for very long in the real world. This leads to many writers depicting a long term couple as boring, relying upon old stereotypes, or piling unnecessary drama upon them.

As someone who has been in a long term relationship for nearly 12 years (I’m only 28, by the way), I can tell you that there are ways that you can write one and make it just as interesting and heart-warming as a couple who have only just gotten together. Here are a few top ways:

Dealing with realistic issues

Rather than using a string of soap opera melodrama to test the couple’s relationship, it is much better to show them going through realistic and relatable issues. This could be health problems, issues with their families, or the stress of raising a child. These are the real tests of a relationship which determine if it will last. Readers will respond to them much more than yet another forced temporary breakup.

For instance, in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadence and Shining Armour are supposed to be the literal embodiment of romantic love, but they were criticized for being too perfect. In recent seasons they had a baby, Flurry Heart, and had to deal with the stress of caring for their first child, which turned opinions on the characters around and suddenly made them much more realistic and grounded.

Animated ponies are more relatable than most soap opera characters

Five love languages

Author Gary Chapman theorised in his book The Five Love Languages that there are five ways that couples show love for each other, and that we need all of them, not just one or two, to make a relationship work long term. These are gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical contact. Ensure that your fictional couples use all of these to show how their relationship remains strong.

Leave out the arguments

I for one am really sick of the so-called joke of two people arguing ‘like an old married couple’ as proof that they are a perfect couple. It is true that even the best relationships do involve arguments over petty things such as leaving the fridge door open or who was supposed to take the dog for a walk. We all get stressed at times or make mistakes so it is inevitable. But readers don’t want to be reminded of these disputes when they are indulging in escapism, so it’s best to leave them out of your fiction.

Have the relationship evolve

One of the things I love about the Japanese anime My Love Story is that the love confession scene, which would be at the end of any other anime, happens in episode three out of 24. The rest of the show is dedicated to the two figuring out their first major relationship by going on dates, setting up their friends, and getting to know each other’s families. It goes to show that you can definitely have a romance story arc that doesn’t end after ‘I love you’.

Don’t make the reader question why they’re married

For decades, mainstream television was under the apprehension that arguments and constant disagreements are a normal, and even preferable, part of relationships. But attitudes towards marriage, divorce, and family have since changed, so when modern audiences look back at these old shows, they usually say ‘but why don’t that couple just get divorced?’

Today’s consumers aren’t accepting of actions that can be interpreted as abusive and are bored to tears of nagging wives babysitting their lazy husbands. Many of them might have even grown up in these types of households and have experienced first-hand why they are so destructive in real life. So no matter what, don’t make your readers question why your couple ever got together in the first place or why they are accepting of a miserable living situation.

Write them as characters

In cartoons it is normal to have stock parent characters who are only ever referred to as ‘Mum and Dad’ even by other characters. Am I the only person who has noticed how weird that is? But you hopefully aren’t writing this type of story. You want to write your long term couple or parent characters as people, not stick figures. Give them backstories, goals, likes and dislikes, and everything else you would give your protagonists and they will become some of the most memorable and lovable characters of all.

20 years later and I’m still trying to figure out their names.

Book Review – Two Caravans

09 Tuesday Aug 2016

Posted by in Blog, book review, culture, romance, story, writing

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caravans2

Two Caravans by Marina Lewycka, also published under the much less boring title Strawberry Fields, tells the stories of a group of seasonal agricultural workers, primarily an idealistic young Ukrainian aspiring author named Irina, who all find themselves working at the same strawberry farm in Kent. While her romantic vision of England is far from what she expected, Irina still finds a sense of camaraderie with her fellow strawberry pickers despite their different backgrounds, aspirations, and language barriers, as they attempt to make the best of their situation. Their peace is interrupted one evening when an incident involving the promiscuous farmer and his jealous wife leads the entire group on the run from the law and scattered across South East England working various menial, low paying jobs. Each of them meets a host of characters, some immigrants and some Brits, who are equally down on their luck. Some of them give in to despair that this is what their lives have become. Others hang onto hope that it is merely a bump in the road that will lead them to achieving their dreams.

I read about this book in a magazine and with the current political situation in the UK, thought it would be ideal to read. As entertaining as the book is, it is also a necessarily painful eye opener about the truth of the UK’s so-called immigration crisis and how we are able to get affordable food from our supermarkets. I grew up in Kent, where the book is primarily set, and was only vaguely aware that this type of thing was happening. This is why it particularly spoke to me when one of the foreign workers walks into the quaint English village next to an inhumane chicken farm, where an employee had his thumb cut off only a few hours before, and wonders if the village residents are aware of what is happening right on their doorsteps. If the events in this book are even remotely close to the truth (the back of the book does cite some research), they are outright depressing, especially since the fate of some characters is left ambiguous and it is easy to assume the worst.

The book is able to generate this sympathy thanks to its cast of characters with well-rounded positive and negative traits. It doesn’t always make them completely likeable, but it does at least make them realistic. Even Irina and Andriy’s awkward romance, which is almost a parody of the epic romance tropes both of them are hoping for, is surprisingly endearing because it is presented in the way most young romances play out. The bonds they form to get through their difficult times and their never ending hope for a better future are endearing and even prompted me to re-evaluate my own life a little. But at the same time they are disheartening when you realise that there are people in these exact situations in real life who probably never escape the cycle.

And yet these revelations are broken up with moments of dark humour which reach almost Monty Python levels of ridiculousness. My favourite is when Tomasz, a Polish worker with limited English, is talking to his fellow chicken farmer about Big Brother, and both of them repeatedly confuse the Big Brother house with the chicken house they are standing in.

The only negative point I can give this book is the jarring switches between character viewpoints, and even between first and third person, including sudden and pointless jumps into the point of view of a dog.

The social commentary might be a little too heavy for the recreational reader but anyone interested in good political satire will enjoy this as an entertaining, darkly humorous, and informative read.

My rating – 9/10.

Manga Review – Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Arc

28 Tuesday Jun 2016

Posted by in anime, Blog, fantasy, manga review, musings, romance, series review, shojo, story

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ccs

It’s a good time to get nostalgic about anime and manga at the moment. Right after Fruits Basket got a sequel series, my other favourite manga series Cardcaptor Sakura is also getting a sequel, to coincide with the manga’s 20th anniversary, and the first chapter has just come out in Japan.

Cardcaptor Sakura is one of Clamp’s most popular series and along with Sailor Moon, it was one of the defining series of the magical girl genre until Madoka came along and turned it super angsty.

I’ve been re-watching the anime lately and it not only still holds up (the only thing that has become outdated is the bulky cell phones), its portrayal of LGBT+ characters was amazingly progressive for a late 90’s show, something that western animation is still struggling to get to grips with. The general rule of Cardcaptor Sakura, and with Clamp manga in general, is that love has no boundaries such as gender, age, or whether a person is technically human. While this does provide a few questionable student/teacher romances, it’s rare to see a series where sexuality and gender identity are treated in such a way. Touya and Yukito were probably the first yaoi couple I knowingly shipped like crazy (I shipped other guys as ‘friends’ thanks to section 28) and it took me this long to realise that Yukito is technically non-binary. If you throw in his alternate form Yue, does that technically make it a polyamorous relationship?

Always date a person who's hair is longer than their body.

Always date a person whose hair is longer than their body.

The plot of the original series was about a precariously cute little girl named Sakura who discovers a book of magical cards called Clow Cards in her father’s library and accidentally sets them all loose. She has to become the Cardcaptor and use her growing magical powers to get them back and stop them causing mischief throughout the town, all while trying to get the cute boy she has a crush on to notice her.

The Clear Card arc picks up almost exactly where the manga left off; on Sakura’s first day of middle school when she and her long distance boyfriend Syaoran are finally reunited and can finally be together forever. But on the same night, Sakura gets another of her prophetic dreams about a mysterious figure in strange clothes, indicating that a new supernatural thereat is on its way.

Even if Sakura has only aged up a few years in the story’s timeline, there is still a strong feeling of ‘my daughter is all grown up’ for the reader. It’s refreshing to see all of the characters again in their original forms, and not with all the Tsubasa alternate dimension self weirdness (sorry Clamp fangirls, but I really didn’t like Tsubasa). Tomoyo, Sakura’s loyal best friend, is hilarious as ever when she films Sakura and Syaoran’s touching reunion and for some reason I find it funny that Kero, a magical creature who has lived for hundreds of years, has an e-mail address.

Perhaps it is because the characters are getting older but something still feels slightly off with this first chapter. Sakura and Syaoran aren’t quite as lovey dovey as you’d expect of a couple who have been separated for years. They even re-exchange their homemade teddy bears, which in the original manga were a symbol of their love for each other. I really worry that is some kind of horribly foreshadowing. There is also a notable absence of Yukito, despite being a major character and presumably an official couple with Touya by now. Perhaps there just wasn’t enough time in the first chapter to introduce him along with everyone else.

Even so, all of these new questions are intriguing. The series has been able to develop itself while still keeping with the spirit of the original. I’m looking forward to the next installments of the story arc and seeing what is going to happen to Sakura and her friends from here.

Book Review – A Company of Swans

18 Friday Mar 2016

Posted by in Blog, book review, culture, musings, romance, story, villain, writing

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A Company of Swans by Eva Ibbotson. Published by Macmillan Children’s Books.

a company of swans

A Company of Swans is a coming of age story following the journey of 18 year old Harriet Morton in 1912. Under the strict supervision of her father, who is literally the most boring professor in the world, her spinster aunt, and the local Ladies’ Tea Circle, Harriet lives a joyless life. Despite her academic upbringing, her father won’t let her go to university as he expects her to marry her suitor, a young zoology professor named Dr. Edward Finch-Dutton. Harriet’s only outlet is her weekly ballet classes, which she excels at. When she is offered a once in a lifetime opportunity to join a famous Russian ballet company and perform in the most luxurious opera house in the world, Harriet is ecstatic but of course her father refuses.

Harriet defies her father and runs away to join the troupe regardless. In the far away exotic city of Manaus in Brazil, she performs for the rich rubber barons and wins the heart of the charming owner of the opera house. But her father, aunt, and would-be-fiancé are eager to bring her back and are on her tail.

Instantly, this book ticks all of my boxes. A strong and likeable female protagonist? Yes. A girl in a historical setting defying the patriarchy? Yes. Ballet? Hell yes! Any other readers who are into such things will enjoy this novel as well. Even those who aren’t into ballet can enjoy it for its other elements. Although the book is classed as young adult, there is plenty for older readers to get into as well (although not so much younger readers due to a few risque plot points).

While the father and aunt are fairly stereotypical characters, I appreciated that Harriet’s suitor Edward isn’t the standard evil fiancé who is only there to make the main love interest look better by comparison. There are surprisingly several things to like about him. He allows female students in his class, which Harriet’s father wouldn’t dream of, and he is an accomplished and passionate zoologist at a time when the science was still new and under-appreciated. In fact, his love of discovering new insect species could be compared to Harriet’s love of ballet. His desire to ‘save’ Harriet isn’t out of a sense of evil or a need to possess her but out of a misplaced sense of Edwardian manliness.

The major let down for me, however, was the ending. I won’t spoil it but it did turn out differently from what I was hoping for. Perhaps it is unfair of me to judge historical fiction from a modern day feminist perspective but considering how the rest of the book was such a great ‘screw you’ to social norms at the time, it was a disappointment. It is still a happy ending and much more than what a young girl of Harriet’s social class could expect at the time but some readers may also be put off by this ending.

The book is generally well written but the flowery language and sudden point of view shifts can be distracting.  The author also has a tendency to delve into the backstory of everyone and everything as soon as they’re introduced, but this tones down considerably in the latter half of the book.

I would still recommend checking out this book so that you can judge the ending for yourself. Perhaps your perspective on it will be different than mine and you will see it in a more positive light. It is still an enthralling tale of romance, accomplishing your dreams, and the magic of ballet.

My verdict – 4 out of 5

Top Seven Worst Types of Love Interest

28 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by in Blog, Common Criticism, musings, romance, story, tv, writing, writing advice

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A while ago I talked about the types of love story that turn my stomach. Today I’m going to talk about the types of love interest which make me throw a book into a fireplace, or throw the remote at the television. I’m not going to go on about Mary Sues or Manic Pixie Dream Girls because other people have already given hilarious parodies of those. These are the ones which I personally can’t stand.

  1. The Plank of Wood.
A Plank of Wood appropriately named Rod.

A Plank of Wood appropriately named Rod.

This is when the love interest is so underdeveloped they could be replaced by a plank of wood and it wouldn’t make much difference to the story or romance arc. This can happen generally with poorly written characters but its even worse if that character is supposed to be a love interest. How are we supposed to buy that this person can be loved if they have virtually no personality or redeeming features?

  1. The Karma Love Interest

big bang

Something which frequently appears in sitcoms with a ‘beauty and the geek’ romance. This is where the love interest, usually a female, is an embodiment of all the popular girls who refused to date the geeky guy in high school, making up for what horrible bitches all the girls were to him. Or perhaps it’s a girl who wouldn’t give him the time of day in high school but is now hopelessly in love with him, despite the fact that he hasn’t changed at all. I’m not the only one who felt that Ross and Rachael would just break up again a few years after the grand finale. I don’t even get why they would be interested in the type of girl who made their adolescence a living hell anyway.

It’s unfortunate because it almost implies that guys, no matter how horrible their personalities are, don’t have to try and change themselves but simply wait for girls to come around, stop being bitches, and fall in love with them. Yet if the genders are reversed, the girl will have to drastically change both inside and out to get the guy. Wow, I just made a horrifying revelation…

  1. The Muse
No amount of catchy pop tunes can save this romance.

No amount of catchy pop tunes can save this romance.

Closely linked to the manic pixie dream girl who often has a bit of the muse within her. This is where Person A falls for Person B not so much for who they are but for how they inspire them to create their artworks. Again, it is unfortunate as it is clear there is little basis for the couple to form a relationship and once the artist has finished his project, he can just dump her and find a new muse.

Just as bad is when an artist falls in love with a literal muse, which has been overused to the point of tedium. In fact, while writing this post I got the idea for a short story about a human falling in love with a muse for who they are, not for their artistic inspiration.

  1. The Replacement
'I know I had a crush on The Doctor last week but this is totally fine.'

‘I know I had a crush on The Doctor last week but this is totally fine.’

Often a form of lazy writing when a writer can’t think of what else to do with a character so they just shove in a new love interest for the sake of drama. The object of a character’s affections has just died or decided they’re not interested. What to do, show them getting on with their life? Think of an interesting new story for them? Nah, let’s shoe-horn in another love interest right away.

  1. The Dumbass in Distress
We all know where this is going...

We all know where this is going…

Another old trope which is still discussed a lot, Person A falls for Person B because he saves her, often repeatedly. But if it’s such an outdated story, why does it still keep appearing? Is it because we still see the person being rescued as the reward and believe they should fall in love with the rescuer as thanks? The whole concept of falling for someone because they saved your life makes no sense anyway. Sure they’re probably a good person if they saved someone, but they probably just did that because they saw that person in danger and natural instincts kicked in. It’s really not much to base an entire relationship upon.

  1. The One That Got Away
Don't do what Gatsby does...

Don’t do what Gatsby does…

This is when a would-be-couple is separated for many years then they re-enter each other’s lives again. Either Person A will suddenly fall in love with Person B again despite barely thinking about them for years or will still love them throughout the years not for who they are but for who they were years ago. People change a lot as time goes by so the person they are pining for has probably become a different person than the one they originally fell for. I think it can work if the characters get to know each other all over again and find that they still have things they like about each other, but I don’t think things that happened ten years ago should be the basis for an entire relationship.

  1. The Love Interest…And Not Much Else
I actually love Ygritte but god damn it...

I actually love Ygritte but god damn it…

Sure writers often have to insert characters to serve the role of love interest, but there are too many characters who exist only to be a love interest and have no purpose to exist beyond that. They might not even like or even interact with any other characters in the story because they only have eyes for the protagonist. It is much better for this character to make an impact not only in the romance part of the story but some other aspect of it as well, which doesn’t mean being kidnapped by the villain and used as the reward. Not only will the readers like them much more but they will be a better-rounded and developed character.

 

Are there any other types of love interest which turn you off? What love interests do you want to see more of instead? List them in the comments below!

 

 

Top Seven Horrible Love Stories

10 Tuesday Nov 2015

Posted by in anime, Blog, Common Criticism, musings, romance, shojo, story, writing, writing advice

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I’ve already written several posts on my blog about tired old romance clichés such as love at first sight or love triangles and how they usually don’t work unless they are handled in the right way by a good writer. I have put together a list of other love stories that I also hate and want to see less of. If you have any of these in your own novel then it might be time for some re-writes.

  1. Love Conquers All…Somehow

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all over stories where the power of love wins through despite all odds. But when the day is saved with no explanation other than ‘its true love’, or if this is the only justification for a couple getting together, that’s just lazy writing.

  1. Love Cures All Tragic Backstories
Dead girlfriend? What dead girlfriend?

Dead girlfriend? What dead girlfriend?

Not to mention all phobias and mental illnesses. A supportive partner can help somebody to deal with these issues but they can’t make them magically go away completely. It is much better to see a love interest helping someone learn to live with whatever troubles them rather than making them forget about it completely and live in a world of sunshine and flowers.

  1. Hate Turns to Love

Once again, I feel this is a plot which can kind of work if it is done in just the right way, but it is rare to see it pulled off successfully. There needs to be a legitimate reason why the couple stops hating each other and begins to like each other but many stories skip straight over this necessary development. Most of the time, I feel like it is a way to draw out unnecessary conflict.

  1. He Was a Boy, She Was a Girl

This is the idea that a boy and a girl are going to be romantically involved only because they appear in a story together. Especially horrible is when the only female character in the whole story is expected to get together with the male hero, no matter how badly suited they are to each other. Just because centuries of outdated storytelling says that the woman is expected to be the love interest, it doesn’t mean that she should be.

  1. The Only Two Gays in the Universe

Or the fictional universe at least. This is a version of the above mentioned trope when the token gay character gets together or at least flirts with the only other gay character in the story. They’re gay so they have to like each other, right? Even if being gay cuts down the number of potential love interests for them, that doesn’t mean they have to hook up with somebody just because their sexualities happen to match up.

  1. The Yaoi Principle
'But you both thought you were straight ten minutes ago!'

‘But you both thought you were straight ten minutes ago!’

I call it this because it seems to show up a lot in yaoi manga, but it appears in other media too. This is when a guy falls in love with another guy (or a girl for another girl, but it is usually the male example) despite having no prior attraction to any other men. There’s nothing technically wrong with this because sexuality is a complex thing and apparently it can happen in real life. I know a few women who I would happily throw away my heterosexuality for. But these stories are never about the guy coming to terms with being bisexual or labelling himself as such. It’s still ‘I’m in love with a man but I’m still technically straight so it’s all ok. No need to panic, Middle America!’ It is starting to dwindle even in yaoi manga but still crops up far too much for my liking.

  1. Give Up the Dream Job For Love

Usually tied in to the ‘chasing someone through the airport’ ending, which I have also put on my list of clichés which really must die. I hate it when a woman (yes, it’s still always a woman) gives up a dream job which most people would kill for and which she’s been working hard on for years for the sake of love. Too many writers still haven’t realised that settling down isn’t the ideal ending for every woman or the end of her career goals.

 

What love stories or romance tropes do you think are overdone or should never have existed to begin with? Which are most likely to turn you completely off of a love story?

Manga Review: Fruits Basket Another

05 Monday Oct 2015

Posted by in anime, art, Blog, internet, manga review, musings, romance, series review, shojo, story

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Fruits Basket by Natsuki Takaya, the story of a teenage orphan who becomes involved with the reincarnated spirits of the Chinese zodiac, was one of the most influential manga and anime series of my late teen and university years and remains one of my favourite titles ten years later. It was so popular in the west that the end of its print run is probably one of the reasons why Tokyopop closed down. A few months ago it was announced that Takaya was releasing a sequel series online with the same setting but a new cast so of course I was excited. But do we really need another Fruits Basket or is Takaya trying to cash in on her former glory?

The story starts with Sawa Mitoma, a high school girl who purposely avoids interaction with others because she fears she is nothing but a bother. Her mother constantly leaves the house without telling her where she’s going or paying the rent, leaving Sawa to be shouted at by the landlady. After one such occasion makes her late for school and gets her in trouble with a teacher, she is ‘saved’ by a cute boy named Musuki Sohma, a member of the same Sohma clan from the original Fruits Basket. Musuki asks Sawa to go to the student council room after school, where she meets Hajime, another member of the Sohma family…By accidently stepping on his face.

After a few more brief encounters, Musuki announces that Sawa is to be a representative on the student council and all of a sudden the girl who avoided everyone is the talk of the entire school.

There are some instant and noticeable parallels with the story of Fruits Basket. The two Sohma boys are obvious copies of Yuki and Kyo, they might even be their sons, indicating that this is going to be another love triangle story. It already seems that the Kyo clone is going to be the winning love interest. I’m a little disappointed as when I was originally reading Fruits Basket, I shipped Tohru and Yuki for the longest time and thought it would be nice if ‘Yuki’ could be the winner this time. Then again, the Yuki clone is somewhat creepy and forced Sawa into the student council without asking her. Perhaps he is actually Shigure’s son.

I’m also pissed that out of all the five billion characters in Fruits Basket, the only one to make a cameo is Makoto Takei, the obnoxious leader of the student council. The one who Haru showed his… special area to. (It took me years to understand that joke!)

Sawa, like Tohru, is a cute yet plain girl in a criminally short skirt. The big difference I see between her and Tohru is that despite being an orphan and living in the woods, Tohru initially seemed to be endlessly cheerful and optimistic. As the story progressed, it became evident that this was just a mask to deal with her crippling emotional issues. Sawa’s issues are clear from the start, even the cover image spells it out. This made me emphasise with her a lot, especially when the stress gets to her and she starts to cry in public without meaning to, lamenting how she is constantly disappointed in herself. I hate to think what suddenly becoming the centre of attention at school is going to do to her already fragile emotional state.

The artwork and character designs are as adorable as I remember and there is the style of humour that Fruits Basket was known for, especially the face stepping incident. Did the Kyo clone get a good look up her skirt when that happened?

This sequel shows good potential to be just as good as its predecessor and we do know that Takaya is talented enough to pull it off. I do want to find out how Sawa is going to deal with her issues and why she is so important to the Sohmas. It will still take a little longer to see if the series progresses into a worthy successor so I’ll keep reading to see if that happens.

Top 13 non-cliched romantic moments

25 Tuesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Common Criticism, film, musings, romance, story, writing, writing advice

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My fiance and I showing great trust in each other.

My fiancee and I showing great trust in each other.

It can be difficult writing romantic moments to show a couple’s developing relationship as many of these moments have become so clichéd and overdone that they have lost all of their impact. Not all of them are necessarily bad. It’s still sweet to read about your favourite fictional couple sheltering from the rain together or raising a baby bird like it’s their own child. But modern fiction still needs more original and more realistic moments to show that a couple are in love. Here are some to get you started:

  1. Looking out for each other in dangerous situations. This doesn’t mean the guy saving the girl (yes, it is still usually that way around) all the time. The couple can trust each other’s fighting abilities but still glance at each other occasionally to check that the other is ok.

Use instead of: Girl falls for guy after he rescues her. When this happens in a story, it’s seen almost as a crime if the girl doesn’t fall madly in love with him as thanks for saving her.

  1. Respecting each other’s privacy. While quality time together is important in a relationship, it’s equally important to know when the other needs personal time. Often, especially after an argument, it’s best to back off rather than make a situation worse.

Use instead of: Being forced into every situation together. Stuck in a broken lift? Forced to do a report together? It probably won’t turn hatred into love as years of romantic movies have told us. It’ll probably just make them hate each other even more.

  1. Talking things out after an argument. It’s inevitable that even the most stable of couples will fight sometimes, even do awful things to each other without meaning to. The way they deal with their arguments and issues often says more about their relationship than anything else.

Use instead of: Make up sex. Seriously, does anyone actually do this? An emotional argument is probably the least sexy thing ever. Aren’t you just using sex to ignore your issues?

  1. Making a partner’s favourite dinner after they’ve had a terrible day. Double points if the partner doesn’t actually say they’ve had a terrible day, they just know and want to cheer them up.

Use instead of: Cooking dinner together. My parents said that they would end up getting divorced if they ever tried cooking together. It’s not quite as romantic and cute as sit-coms will have you think.

  1. Leading someone with a fear of heights down to safety. Good relationships are about looking after each other’s needs and making each other feel safe, calm, and secure. Not every romantic rescue needs to be about beating up an attacker, often it can be something as simple as this.

Use instead of: ‘I have a fear of heights that is instantly cured so that I can go on the ferris wheel with you.’ Sorry to tell you this but true love isn’t an insta-cure for all phobias. It’s not going to be very romantic if one person is secretly terrified.

  1. Ordering food for a shy person. Similar to the above example, helping out someone with social anxiety instead of condemning them for it is the nicest thing you can do for them.

Use instead of: Forcing a shy person to ‘come out of their shell’. Forcing  someone into a situation that they’re uncomfortable with is going to do them much more harm than good and drive them away from the person you’re trying to hook them up with. If they really must open up more then it must be done gradually with gentle encouragement.

  1. Finding each other irresistibly cute.

Have you ever heard of cuteness aggression? It’s when you see a baby animal that is so unbearably cute that you quite literally want to hug it to death. I often feel this way towards my fiancé, which is a little disturbing if you think about it…

Use instead of: Finding each other irresistibly sexy. Couples do need to find something physically attractive about the other, but you don’t want to imply that sexual attraction is the only reason they like each other.

  1. Giving each other good advice.

I’ve never really thought before how often my fiancé and I give each other advice about careers, family, or life in general, but it helps us both through a lot of tough situations.

Use instead of: Asking friends for ill-informed relationship advice. It will inevitably lead to misunderstandings that will almost doom the relationship but it will all be fixed at the last moment and the idiot friend will receive no repercussions for almost breaking up a loving couple.

  1. Sharing each other’s food. My fiancé and I have this weird running gag that when we’re having chips, we always steal some from the other’s place, even if we’re both having chips.

Use instead of: The ‘s/he stole food from my plate’ relationship dilemma. Did the fact that you’re going on dates not tip you off that you’re in a relationship? And does it really matter if someone you’re dating takes food from your plate?

  1. Watching silly movies together. Similar to cooking their favourite dinner when they’re feeling sad, doing things like watching light hearted fun films, particularly ones they can riff on together, can make each other feel better.

Use instead of: Watching sappy romance movies together (and the guy hating it). It’s not treated as ‘sitting through a film I hate for my partner’ so much as ‘my wife is forcing me to watch a film I hate’. I also despise the guy making a girl watch a scary film she can’t stand just so she can cling onto him when she’s scared cliché. It borders on emotional manipulation.

  1. Talking like best friends. Doesn’t matter if it’s normal everyday banter or confiding secrets that they can’t tell anybody else. Preferably there should be moments of both.

Use instead of: Can’t form coherent sentences around a crush. How can characters form relationships if they can’t even communicate with each other coherently? It makes it hard to get to know anything about each other.

  1. Towling each other off after a rain storm. It’s sweet, caring, and even a little sexy. How can you go wrong?

Use instead of: Kissing in the rain. Why is this such a big thing? Has anybody ever had a decent kiss while being drenched with rain? Potentially catching pneumonia doesn’t seem that romantic to me.

  1. Driving a partner to the airport at 5am.

If this isn’t the ultimate act of true love then I don’t know what is.

Use instead of: Chasing someone through the airport. ‘Being with me will make you so much happier than moving on with your life and pursuing your dream career! Whoops, is that airport security behind me?’

 

What other supposedly romantic moments do you think have become clichéd? What do you think make better alternatives?

How to Write Love at First Sight

04 Thursday Jun 2015

Posted by in Common Criticism, culture, fairy tale, fantasy, film, musings, romance, story, writing, writing advice

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Can you guess how this is going to work out?

Can you guess how this is going to work out?

People seem to be in one of two camps when it comes to love at first sight. Either it’s the ultimate epitome of romance and true love or it’s a creepy, unhealthy fixation that will never work out. This is why the fairy tale image of love at first sight leading to an instant happy ever after is going through a deconstruction in recent years and most modern readers are turned off by it.

There is a reason why it emerged as a literary trope and even why it still appears in some stories today. First meetings are emphasised in fiction because they are important in real life as well. Our first meeting and first impressions of someone will determine what our future relationship with them will be like. As much as we’d like to think we’re completely objective, scientists do say that it takes as little of one tenth of a second to decide if we like someone upon first seeing their face.

From a historical standpoint, it’s easy to see why this used to be a more acceptable form of storytelling. People used to die sooner and were expected to marry young so they had to latch onto the first piece of marriage material they came across and not let go. Divorce was also frowned upon so they were expected to be happy with their chosen partner for their whole lives, or at least pretend to be.

As society has changed, the idea of love at first sight has changed with it. Just as we aren’t expected to settle down with someone we’ve just met, so we don’t expect fictional characters to either.

Even so, there are still people who believe in love at first sight and it apparently does happen to some people. Some of these relationships do work out but others end horribly. So can it ever be pulled off in fiction? I’ve found that there are some cases when it can:

When to write love at first sight.

Short time frame. This is why love at first sight is so often associated with Disney films. The writers only have an hour and a half to make you buy into a relationship and love at first sight saves them a lot of time on development. This is why it rarely if ever works in a novel or long running television series because there is plenty of time to develop a relationship naturally.

A legitimate reason. To use Disney as an example again, Frozen did a very good job of establishing why Anna would fall instantly in love with Prince Hans – she’s spent most of her life isolated from her sister and only has one day to find a husband to keep her company throughout the rest of her lonely days. Of course it doesn’t work out but her reasons for falling instantly in love still make a lot more sense than the classic Disney Princesses.

Magical power. Maybe a character can predict what their true love’s first words to them will be or they were star crossed lovers in a previous life and have been sub-consciously drawn to each other. There is some room for creativity here. Magical powers can be a satisfactory explanation but if done badly they can come across as lazy writing, obvious plot devices and an excuse to skip out on the development of the relationship. In the worst cases they can also be downright creepy. Remember how appalled everyone was by the ‘imprinting’ scene in Twilight?

It’s not supposed to work out. Maybe the reasons why people are against this trope are the very things you are going for. It could be a villain with an unhealthy fixation on someone or a clueless romantic with no idea how true love really works. Even Romeo and Juliet, the most famous and glorified example of love at first sight was actually supposed to be a warning against hasty marriages.

Lust at first sight. This is a legitimate excuse because it does happen and lust is different than love. A crush at first sight is also understandable. I think all of us can say we’ve gotten a crush on someone just by looking at them, even if we later found out that their personalities weren’t as great as their looks.

Historical fiction. As I said, people’s attitudes to love at first sight have changed so you might be able to explain it in a historical context. But keep in mind that aside from different attitudes, people in the past were still the same as us in every other way and their hasty marriages didn’t always lead to happily ever after.

So there are some instances when you can write a character falling in love at first sight, but these are just starting points to the development of a relationship. In stories, build up is everything so you have to make your readers believe why somebody is worth going through a whole book’s worth of trials for.

I mentioned in a previous article that love triangles only work if they are written well. This is perhaps even truer for love at first sight. It’s not that writers can’t use it but it needs to be handled in a precise way to work effectively. Sometimes it can be done successfully but it is very rare and attempts to do so more often fail. If your character does fall in love at first sight and you want the readers to support their relationship then at least spend time developing it and the characters properly and have the characters decide if they want to make the relationship work in the long term.