Category Archives: dumbass in distress

Why is Fantasy Obsessed With Royalty?

22 Friday Feb 2019

Posted by in author, Common Criticism, criticism, culture, dumbass in distress, fairy tale, fantasy, musings, romance, story, writing

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If you polled fantasy readers on the most overdone tropes in fantasy fiction, chances are that most of them will name something like ‘the rebellious princess’ or ‘the stableboy who becomes king’ or any of the other numerous royalty tropes which frequently appear in fantasy. Yet it doesn’t stop fantasy authors from churning out a constant stream of books about royals, or readers from consuming them. It has reached the point that members of a royal family have almost become the go-to cast for a fantasy novel, and sometimes it can be difficult to find a fantasy book which doesn’t feature a member of the monarchy in some form. If royals are such an overdone fantasy cliché, why are we still so obsessed with them?


Photo by King’s Church International on Unsplash

…And they lived happily ever after

It all goes back to where modern-day fantasy spawned from – fairy tales. The standard fairy tale plot is a princess gets captured or imprisoned, a hero shows up out of nowhere to save her, and he is rewarded with the princess’ hand in marriage and half the kingdom.

They may be old and horribly outdated much of the time, yet they are still the stories we are told as children, whether it is through bedtime stories or Disney movies. This teaches us from a young and impressionable age that being a Princess is something special and desirable and that a Prince is ideal marriage material.


Photo by Susanne Jutzeler from Pexels

The real-life fairy tale

This also explains why society is so obsessed with royalty in real life, despite several dark periods of history making royalty almost entirely obsolete in modern times. We’re well aware that modern monarchs are only figureheads with no real power anymore. Most of us are also aware that they’re living comfortable lives which none of us can ever hope for. Yet that didn’t stop tens of thousands of people from descending on London last year to watch the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle in Windsor Castle, or thousands more from watching it live on television. They have what we’ve been taught to desire, but instead of feeling jealous, we adore them for it.

Escape into fantasy

Time Magazine explains that our obsession with real life royals is a parasocial relationship, similar to our relationships with our favourite fictional characters. We form one-sided relationships and become invested in the drama and stories of their lives without actually interacting with them or having them directly impact our lives in any meaningful way.

Whether they are real life or fictional, royals provide us with a necessary means of escapism. The British people don’t care that the royal family are costing them money at a time when their financial and political future is uncertain. They ignore the fact that high expectations and constant media bombardment probably make the life of a royal more stressful than it appears in pictures. They prefer to think about the dresses and parties and the smiling faces they see in the newspaper.

Carfax2 / WikiCommons

Fantasy is one of the prime forms of escapist fiction, and what could be more escapist than picturing yourself as the beautiful princess living in a fairy tale castle and falling in love with the handsome prince? Even the old fairy tales provided an escapist fantasy for regular people to envision themselves rising above their stations and becoming royalty.

Prawny / Pixabay

In reality, being a public figurehead would be incredibly stressful, a castle would be cold and drafty to live in, and falling in love at first sight with a prince you barely know probably wouldn’t work out in the long term. Yet even knowing all this, it’s still much nicer to just think about the happily ever after.

The media cycle

Media outlets know that royalty is used as a form of escapism and that they can use this obsession to increase their sales. Being fed a constant stream of articles, images, and news pieces about royals keeps them in our collective consciousness and keeps people buying newspapers or clicking on news websites. Disney keeps on making movies about princesses because they are fully aware that they will sell more toys and more trips to Disneyworld. Similarly, publishers keep putting out book after book featuring royals because they know that as overdone as it is, readers will keep buying them, and the publishing cycle will continue.

Updating a tale as old as time

Yet a constant stream of books about royalty doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing, or a sign of an unoriginal writer. Our knowledge of royalty also comes from history and folklore. Historically, a king was much more of an ‘everyman’ and representative of the people with a lot more say in the management and safety of his kingdom. This makes royals ideal protagonists for fantasy fiction based upon a historical setting, since they will need to make decisions which affect their entire kingdom. It provides more leverage for everybody’s favourite trope, the forbidden romance, with the royal finding a way to marry for love rather than political reasons. If you look closely enough at history, you’ll find that there are many more obscure royals or little-told-stories which would make for great fantasy books.

There are a multitude of creative ways that modern readers can use royalty to subvert the old tropes and put a fresh spin on them to attract more readers. This is why we are seeing more stories about overweight princesses, transgender princes, or royals from cultures which aren’t quasi-European. The beautiful princess and the handsome prince are still good starting points for writers, but it is up to them what to do with these old favourites.

Recommended fantasy books about royalty:

The Icemark Chronicles by Stuart Hill

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley

Pegasus by Robin McKinley

Top Four Book Subplots Which Were Better Than the Main Plot

20 Monday Nov 2017

Posted by in author, Common Criticism, criticism, dumbass in distress, fantasy, romance, story, villain, writing, writing advice

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Subplots and side characters serve an important narrative role in fiction. They fill out the world and break up the story so that the main cast aren’t overwhelmed with solving every problem. This is why authors should give just as much love and attention to them as they do the main plot and characters. But there are some books in which the subplots and the characters within them are actually better than the main plot. Sometimes you find yourself dragging through the main plot and waiting with anticipation for the subplot to start up again. These are some subplots which I liked far better than the novel’s main plot (again, this is all opinion based, so don’t get your panties in a bunch if I include something you like):

Eragon – Roran’s story

The main plot: A Gary-Stu stumbles upon an adorable baby dragon and a bunch of other abilities and makes a lot of powerful friends. They travel the world of inexplicable geography to rip of Star Wars and every other fantasy story ever to take down the evil emperor, who is only evil because the author says he is. At one point the protagonist spends an entire chapter hanging around some woods and thinking about how ants are neat.

The sub plot: A normal farm boy with no special powers or privileges goes out into a world he barely knows to avenge his fallen father, save the survivors of his village, and rescue his true love, all so that he can return to living a normal life with the ones he loves.

So awesome that they were of course cut from the movie

The Hunger Games – Basically any of the other subplots

The main plot: A girl appears on a reality tv death show, takes down the government, and still has time for the most overblown love triangle ever. All for a poorly thought out social commentary that rich people are bad (who knew?).

The sub plot: Two kindred spirits both suffering from post-traumatic stress have a forbidden romance with one of them being used by the President as a sex slave, yet still help the other deal with their mental issues. When they finally wind up happy together, one of them is unceremoniously killed off-page.

The other sub plot: At age 12, Rue is already caring for her younger siblings until she is chosen for The Hunger Games, or super happy death camp. She survives for a long time thanks to her hiding abilities until her death sparks the first riot amongst the regular population which leads to the takedown of the government.

How the entire series went in my head

His Dark Materials – Mary Malone and the mulefa

The main plot: Two super special awesome kids with overpowered plot devices go on a quest to kill God, despite having no real qualms against him, go to the world of the dead just because they can, and have a tragic ending for no real reason. The message is that religion is a lie, even though God and the afterlife literally exist in this multiverse.

The sub plot: A nun-turned-scientist discovers gateways between worlds and comes to live with a bizarre alternate reality race who help her uncover the nature of the entire universe and how to save it.

The Princess Bride – Inigo Montoya’s revenge

The main plot: In the book version at least, two overblown romance novel stereotypes with no real personalities or likeable attributes go through a bunch of overblown romance novel clichés and almost die for each other BECAUSE TRUE LOVE!!

The sub plot: A man who witnessed his father’s murder as a child dedicates his entire life to avenging him, but instead becomes a washed up drunk assisting the main idiots with their stupid problems. He finally gets his revenge in the most awesome fight scene ever and becomes a legendary pirate, showing us how far a person will really go for the sake of true love.

The real reason we all read the book

Top Seven Worst Types of Love Interest

28 Thursday Jan 2016

Posted by in Common Criticism, dumbass in distress, musings, romance, story, tv, writing, writing advice

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A while ago I talked about the types of love story that turn my stomach. Today I’m going to talk about the types of love interest which make me throw a book into a fireplace, or throw the remote at the television. I’m not going to go on about Mary Sues or Manic Pixie Dream Girls because other people have already given hilarious parodies of those. These are the ones which I personally can’t stand.

  1. The Plank of Wood.

A Plank of Wood appropriately named Rod.

A Plank of Wood appropriately named Rod.

This is when the love interest is so underdeveloped they could be replaced by a plank of wood and it wouldn’t make much difference to the story or romance arc. This can happen generally with poorly written characters but its even worse if that character is supposed to be a love interest. How are we supposed to buy that this person can be loved if they have virtually no personality or redeeming features?

  1. The Karma Love Interest

big bang

Something which frequently appears in sitcoms with a ‘beauty and the geek’ romance. This is where the love interest, usually a female, is an embodiment of all the popular girls who refused to date the geeky guy in high school, making up for what horrible bitches all the girls were to him. Or perhaps it’s a girl who wouldn’t give him the time of day in high school but is now hopelessly in love with him, despite the fact that he hasn’t changed at all. I’m not the only one who felt that Ross and Rachael would just break up again a few years after the grand finale. I don’t even get why they would be interested in the type of girl who made their adolescence a living hell anyway.

It’s unfortunate because it almost implies that guys, no matter how horrible their personalities are, don’t have to try and change themselves but simply wait for girls to come around, stop being bitches, and fall in love with them. Yet if the genders are reversed, the girl will have to drastically change both inside and out to get the guy. Wow, I just made a horrifying revelation…

  1. The Muse

No amount of catchy pop tunes can save this romance.

No amount of catchy pop tunes can save this romance.

Closely linked to the manic pixie dream girl who often has a bit of the muse within her. This is where Person A falls for Person B not so much for who they are but for how they inspire them to create their artworks. Again, it is unfortunate as it is clear there is little basis for the couple to form a relationship and once the artist has finished his project, he can just dump her and find a new muse.

Just as bad is when an artist falls in love with a literal muse, which has been overused to the point of tedium. In fact, while writing this post I got the idea for a short story about a human falling in love with a muse for who they are, not for their artistic inspiration.

  1. The Replacement

'I know I had a crush on The Doctor last week but this is totally fine.'

‘I know I had a crush on The Doctor last week but this is totally fine.’

Often a form of lazy writing when a writer can’t think of what else to do with a character so they just shove in a new love interest for the sake of drama. The object of a character’s affections has just died or decided they’re not interested. What to do, show them getting on with their life? Think of an interesting new story for them? Nah, let’s shoe-horn in another love interest right away.

  1. The Dumbass in Distress

We all know where this is going...

We all know where this is going…

Another old trope which is still discussed a lot, Person A falls for Person B because he saves her, often repeatedly. But if it’s such an outdated story, why does it still keep appearing? Is it because we still see the person being rescued as the reward and believe they should fall in love with the rescuer as thanks? The whole concept of falling for someone because they saved your life makes no sense anyway. Sure they’re probably a good person if they saved someone, but they probably just did that because they saw that person in danger and natural instincts kicked in. It’s really not much to base an entire relationship upon.

  1. The One That Got Away

Don't do what Gatsby does...

Don’t do what Gatsby does…

This is when a would-be-couple is separated for many years then they re-enter each other’s lives again. Either Person A will suddenly fall in love with Person B again despite barely thinking about them for years or will still love them throughout the years not for who they are but for who they were years ago. People change a lot as time goes by so the person they are pining for has probably become a different person than the one they originally fell for. I think it can work if the characters get to know each other all over again and find that they still have things they like about each other, but I don’t think things that happened ten years ago should be the basis for an entire relationship.

  1. The Love Interest…And Not Much Else

I actually love Ygritte but god damn it...

I actually love Ygritte but god damn it…

Sure writers often have to insert characters to serve the role of love interest, but there are too many characters who exist only to be a love interest and have no purpose to exist beyond that. They might not even like or even interact with any other characters in the story because they only have eyes for the protagonist. It is much better for this character to make an impact not only in the romance part of the story but some other aspect of it as well, which doesn’t mean being kidnapped by the villain and used as the reward. Not only will the readers like them much more but they will be a better-rounded and developed character.

 

Are there any other types of love interest which turn you off? What love interests do you want to see more of instead? List them in the comments below!

 

 

Top Seven Signs of Good Writing

01 Thursday Oct 2015

Posted by in Common Criticism, culture, dumbass in distress, fairy tale, fantasy, film, musings, story, writing, writing advice

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Last time I talked about the warning signs of bad writing, so I thought it only fair that I also talk about the signs of good writing. It’s much more difficult to define, as ‘good’ writing is subjective and it isn’t always possible to identify why we find something enjoyable. Years of Hollywood films and creepy book fads has also taught us that what is good isn’t necessarily the same as what is popular or financially successful. Still, these are the things I’ve discovered which set great novelists apart:

  1. Exposition done right.

Exposition is one of the hardest things for writers to learn. It is far too easy to dump all of your worldbuilding into the novel all at once or forget about it completely. Writers who can figure out the right balance are amongst the most skilled.

  1. Something unique.

No novel can be 100% original, unless you want an incomprehensible avant-garde mess, but all of the best novels contain something that is different from the rest. It doesn’t matter if it’s a relationship, a setting, or a little seen perspective. If the book can beat a reader’s expectations in a good way then it is doing something right.

  1. Diverse cast.

Most authors and publishers are beginning to wake up to the issue of diversity in fiction (or lack thereof), but there is still a long way to go. For many writers it still means shoehorning in a black side character then not knowing what to do with them and killing them off about a third of the way through. This is why there is nothing more refreshing than an author who accurately and sympathetically portrays a diverse cast of characters fitting for the novel’s setting.

  1. Villains with backstory.

And by backstory, I mean more than just ‘tragic past’ or ‘they were created evil’. I often think that a story is only as good as its villain and a good villain is more than just a guy sitting on his black throne laughing about how evil he is and how much he loves suffering. If we can find out why they are bad, why they genuinely think that what they are doing is right, and how they react when everything they’ve been working for is ruined then that alone makes for a great story.

  1. Active characters.

PrincessAuroraSleeps

For God’s sake Aurora, get off your lazy ass and do something!

I’ve talked before about characters who exist in a story only to have things happen to them and not actively take charge of their own story. One of Pixar’s rules of storytelling is ‘Coincidences to get characters into trouble are great; coincidences to get them out of it are cheating.’ Stories need characters who will use their own skills, experiences, and qualities to make something happen and cause their own happy ending, not sit around and wait for somebody to do it for them. These characters gain much more sympathy than characters who just drift from scene to scene barely doing anything.

  1. Actions have consequences.

DSCF3529

Everything that your characters do or experience in the story must have some kind of reaction or consequence, be it positive or negative. The reason The Hobbit has remained a beloved story for 60 years and made a killing in the box office is that it isn’t a standard ‘Go on quest, defeat dragon, get gold’ story. Thorin Oakenshield goes across Middle Earth pissing off just about every person he meets and has to meet the consequences of this later on when he almost dooms the kingdom he’s been working so hard to retake. Almost everything that Bilbo and company encounter on their journey comes together in the climactic battle.

  1. The story leaves you with something.

This doesn’t have to mean a tacked on last minute lesson or moral. Whether it is an emotion, a memorable character, or just the feeling of a really good story, the novel should leave the reader with something other than just the thought ‘is that it?’

 

While I was putting together this list, I found out that what I have put here is actually just a small selection of what makes a good story. I wouldn’t be able to list all of them. Most bad novels use the same cut and paste formula as all the others. A great novel can be anything.

Top 13 non-cliched romantic moments

25 Tuesday Aug 2015

Posted by in Common Criticism, dumbass in distress, film, musings, romance, squee, story, writing, writing advice

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My fiance and I showing great trust in each other.

My fiancee and I showing great trust in each other.

It can be difficult writing romantic moments to show a couple’s developing relationship as many of these moments have become so clichéd and overdone that they have lost all of their impact. Not all of them are necessarily bad. It’s still sweet to read about your favourite fictional couple sheltering from the rain together or raising a baby bird like it’s their own child. But modern fiction still needs more original and more realistic moments to show that a couple are in love. Here are some to get you started:

  1. Looking out for each other in dangerous situations. This doesn’t mean the guy saving the girl (yes, it is still usually that way around) all the time. The couple can trust each other’s fighting abilities but still glance at each other occasionally to check that the other is ok.

Use instead of: Girl falls for guy after he rescues her. When this happens in a story, it’s seen almost as a crime if the girl doesn’t fall madly in love with him as thanks for saving her.

  1. Respecting each other’s privacy. While quality time together is important in a relationship, it’s equally important to know when the other needs personal time. Often, especially after an argument, it’s best to back off rather than make a situation worse.

Use instead of: Being forced into every situation together. Stuck in a broken lift? Forced to do a report together? It probably won’t turn hatred into love as years of romantic movies have told us. It’ll probably just make them hate each other even more.

  1. Talking things out after an argument. It’s inevitable that even the most stable of couples will fight sometimes, even do awful things to each other without meaning to. The way they deal with their arguments and issues often says more about their relationship than anything else.

Use instead of: Make up sex. Seriously, does anyone actually do this? An emotional argument is probably the least sexy thing ever. Aren’t you just using sex to ignore your issues?

  1. Making a partner’s favourite dinner after they’ve had a terrible day. Double points if the partner doesn’t actually say they’ve had a terrible day, they just know and want to cheer them up.

Use instead of: Cooking dinner together. My parents said that they would end up getting divorced if they ever tried cooking together. It’s not quite as romantic and cute as sit-coms will have you think.

  1. Leading someone with a fear of heights down to safety. Good relationships are about looking after each other’s needs and making each other feel safe, calm, and secure. Not every romantic rescue needs to be about beating up an attacker, often it can be something as simple as this.

Use instead of: ‘I have a fear of heights that is instantly cured so that I can go on the ferris wheel with you.’ Sorry to tell you this but true love isn’t an insta-cure for all phobias. It’s not going to be very romantic if one person is secretly terrified.

  1. Ordering food for a shy person. Similar to the above example, helping out someone with social anxiety instead of condemning them for it is the nicest thing you can do for them.

Use instead of: Forcing a shy person to ‘come out of their shell’. Forcing  someone into a situation that they’re uncomfortable with is going to do them much more harm than good and drive them away from the person you’re trying to hook them up with. If they really must open up more then it must be done gradually with gentle encouragement.

  1. Finding each other irresistibly cute.

Have you ever heard of cuteness aggression? It’s when you see a baby animal that is so unbearably cute that you quite literally want to hug it to death. I often feel this way towards my fiancé, which is a little disturbing if you think about it…

Use instead of: Finding each other irresistibly sexy. Couples do need to find something physically attractive about the other, but you don’t want to imply that sexual attraction is the only reason they like each other.

  1. Giving each other good advice.

I’ve never really thought before how often my fiancé and I give each other advice about careers, family, or life in general, but it helps us both through a lot of tough situations.

Use instead of: Asking friends for ill-informed relationship advice. It will inevitably lead to misunderstandings that will almost doom the relationship but it will all be fixed at the last moment and the idiot friend will receive no repercussions for almost breaking up a loving couple.

  1. Sharing each other’s food. My fiancé and I have this weird running gag that when we’re having chips, we always steal some from the other’s place, even if we’re both having chips.

Use instead of: The ‘s/he stole food from my plate’ relationship dilemma. Did the fact that you’re going on dates not tip you off that you’re in a relationship? And does it really matter if someone you’re dating takes food from your plate?

  1. Watching silly movies together. Similar to cooking their favourite dinner when they’re feeling sad, doing things like watching light hearted fun films, particularly ones they can riff on together, can make each other feel better.

Use instead of: Watching sappy romance movies together (and the guy hating it). It’s not treated as ‘sitting through a film I hate for my partner’ so much as ‘my wife is forcing me to watch a film I hate’. I also despise the guy making a girl watch a scary film she can’t stand just so she can cling onto him when she’s scared cliché. It borders on emotional manipulation.

  1. Talking like best friends. Doesn’t matter if it’s normal everyday banter or confiding secrets that they can’t tell anybody else. Preferably there should be moments of both.

Use instead of: Can’t form coherent sentences around a crush. How can characters form relationships if they can’t even communicate with each other coherently? It makes it hard to get to know anything about each other.

  1. Towling each other off after a rain storm. It’s sweet, caring, and even a little sexy. How can you go wrong?

Use instead of: Kissing in the rain. Why is this such a big thing? Has anybody ever had a decent kiss while being drenched with rain? Potentially catching pneumonia doesn’t seem that romantic to me.

  1. Driving a partner to the airport at 5am.

If this isn’t the ultimate act of true love then I don’t know what is.

Use instead of: Chasing someone through the airport. ‘Being with me will make you so much happier than moving on with your life and pursuing your dream career! Whoops, is that airport security behind me?’

 

What other supposedly romantic moments do you think have become clichéd? What do you think make better alternatives?

Manga review – Strawberry Panic volume 2.

27 Thursday Nov 2014

Posted by in anime, art, dumbass in distress, manga review, musings, series review, shojo, squee, story, writing

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The other week I wrote a review of the first volume of the Strawberry Panic manga. In summary, the characters were vapid Mary Sues, the book didn’t realise it had a plot until half way through and Catholic nuns are surprisingly ok with schoolgirl lesbians. I also found the second and final volume in the local library so of course I want to review that too and find out just how many more ways this manga could be terrible.

The last book ended on a cliffhanger on who Amane’s partner in the Etoile competition was, and we finally see that it is….Some character that has never been seen or mentioned before. What was the point of the cliffhanger?

By the way, it’s worth noting that Kaname is the only dark skinned character in the series and her appearance was completely changed in the anime. It seems that even Japan is whitewashing its characters…

sp 2.1 001

This scene also leaves me a little confused about what relation the Etoile candidates are supposed to have with each other. The position is supposed to be held by two girls, usually one older and one younger, who work together and share the Etoile’s duties. I watched the anime and assumed the position was supposed to be held by two girls with a strong, sister like bond between them, which is why Nagisa and Tamao entered together in the anime. Maybe it’s a mistranslation, but the dialogue in the manga suggests that the Etoile must be a pair of lovers. Not just any lovers, but those who have sworn to be together for all eternity.

It gets even more confusing when Amane says she doesn’t want to enter the contest with Kaname because they both sort of look like boys (although the miniskirts kind of give it away). That’s a problem…how exactly? I thought she was opposed to it because she has a crush on Hikari and Kaname is kind of a bitch. (In the anime she tried to rape Hikari several times.)

Flirting during class is fine but this is scandalous!

Flirting during class is fine but this is scandalous!

Meanwhile, Hikiari and Yaya are in the locker room and…you can guess where this is going, can’t you? Yaya ‘accidently’ unhooks Hikari’s bra then tells her she needs to wear sexy lingerie to impress Amane. Did I mention that these two are in middle school?

She also says ‘Is it the same one you wore at the library the other day?’ implying that they really did do it in that scene in the library! Wow, this manga actually referenced something that happened before! Too bad it doesn’t really contribute anything to the overall story arc.

Shizuma pushing decisions onto Nagisa has finally had some consequences as the other girls who are jealous of Nagisa and Shizuma’s new ‘relationship’ have forced clean up duty onto her and Tamao to punish her. And yet Nagisa is the one who apologises for it and says it’s her fault! Did she forget that Shizuma forced her into it without her consent? Did saying no ever occur to her? Worst of all, Shizuma only did all of this to show off Nagisa as her latest girlfriend! And Nagisa is such a ditz that she just says ‘that’s ok then!’ and starts angsting over a girl she spent maybe an hour of time with. This manga is not only stupid and poorly written, it’s starting to make me angry.

Next we learn that Shizuma previously entered the Etoile contest with her former lover who died of a terminal illness or something. I know that it’s getting repetitive for me to keep comparing the manga and the anime, but in the anime Shizuma’s backstory was hinted at several times before devoting an entire episode to revealed it in a dramatic and heart breaking way. In the manga it’s brought up with virtually no foreshadowing and rushed out as a pitiful explination for Shizuma’s actions, plus an excuse to show girls in swimsuits.

It doesn’t even contribute that much to the story since the very next scene is of Shizuma getting cosy with Nagisa (and I swear they were having a garden party in their pyjamas). Since she’s seemingly already gotten over her past and moved on with Nagisa, it doesn’t form any kind of road block to the two of them getting together.

Oh yeah, she’s in torment. You can just see how torn up she is.

Oh yeah, she’s in torment. You can just see how torn up she is.

The Etoile contest finally begins with a sort of opening ceremony in which the various candidates are forced to essentially vow to be in love for all eternity. No pressure girls, you’re only making a promise to be with the same person forever in front of your Catholic Gods. It’s not like your lover could break up with your or die or something. Oh wait…

Awkward...

Awkward…

And it is only after making this vow of eternal love that Nagisa actually asks someone about Shizuma. How is it that this manga took so long to start the story and still develops their relationship too rapidly? What do the two of them even know about each other?

Next we have the first round of the contest – A horse race where the ‘older sisters’ need to race their horses to a tower where the ‘little sisters’ are being held. The little sisters have to jump from the tower, be caught by the horse rider and race together to the finish line. I’m starting to wonder how much these girls parents are paying to send them to this school and how much they are actually told about their education because THIS CONTEST IS INCREDIBLY STUPID AND DANGEROUS!! This manga is so awful it’s making me type all in caps and overuse the exclamation mark!!

The whole thing is so reliant on split second timing and expert level horse riding skills that it would be very likely for one of the girls to crack her head open or be trampled by a horse. In fact, the tower is so overcrowded that Nagisa gets knocked out and almost falls to her death. She’s only lucky that Shizuma somehow caught her in time.

sp 2.6 001

‘I wish I was doing a spelling test right now.’

 

This contest feels like something out of Ouran High School Host Club, put together just for the romantic visuals of girls being rescued from a tower and carried by their ‘princes’. In fact, I think even Ouran would consider this too over the top.

What does this have to do with being an Etoile? What does an Etoile even do anyway? The manga never explains what the Etoile’s duties are other than look pretty and have the rest of the student body swoon over her. In the anime it mostly involves growing flowers. Does the position often involve rescuing princesses from towers? Maybe the next round will be slaying a dragon while serving tea.

The horse race between Shizuma and Amane is probably the only exciting part of the whole manga, as idiotic as it is, but it’s over in about two pages and we don’t even get to see the end, just a cut to the prize giving scene to reveal that Amane won. But of course she would because she’s in the equestrian club and this round gave her a huge unfair advantage.

sp 2.7 001

In the final scene, Nagisa and Shizuma confess their feelings for each other and kiss, ending with ‘Continued in volume 3!’ You’ll be waiting a long time for that because this manga was unsurprisingly cancelled after only two volumes.

sp 2.8 001

This book was at least somewhat better than the first one. There are far fewer stupid moments, the scenes fit together most of the time and there’s an actual plot. The art is nice and the girls all look adorable, despite one panel where Nagisa looks stoned instead of aroused. But the plot that we do get is awful, the main romance is developed poorly and there are many parts that just made me angry. Nagisa has so little personality and Shizuma is so unsympathetic that it’s hard to feel any support for the two of them getting together.

If you want a cute yuri love story that actually develops characters, relationships and backstories then watch the anime or track down the light novels. You won’t be missing much by skipping this manga.

Mamotte! Lollipop review

16 Saturday Jul 2011

Posted by in anime, dumbass in distress, manga review, shojo

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Today’s review is for a manga I picked up out of curiosity to see what it was like, and quickly put up for sale again. The reasons will soon become clear.

From looking at the cover, it’s clear why I was drawn in. One of the positives of this manga is that the artwork is adorable! Maybe not up there with Koge Donbo levels of cuteness but still great to look at. And I like the candy imagery throughout the manga.

But once you open the book you get to the not so good part – The story. It starts with a girl called Nina (who stole her hairstyle off Momoko from ‘Wedding Peach’) eating cake with her friends and talking about what her perfect man would be like. Oh good, another typical brain dead shojo heroine. We haven’t seen enough of those, have we? A strange round ball lands on Nina’s cake and she wanders if it is a candy. But all of a sudden a pair of guys in a flying car drop out of the sky and in the commotion Nina swallows the ball.

As it turns out, the boys, Zero and Ichi, are wizards and they have to find a crystal pearl to pass their exam. The same pearl which Nina has just swallowed. But there are other wizards looking for the pearl too and they start to attack, kidnap and even plot to kill Nina in order to get the pearl. And so, Zero and Ichi vow to protect Nina for the 6 months the exam will last. And wouldn’t you know it, brave handsome knights who will protect her are just the type of man that Nina has been looking for!

Although it’s not the best, I did kind of enjoy the first few chapters. I like the original take on wizards. Most wizards seem to be Harry Potter or Merlin rip-offs. My favourite part by far is the character of Sun, a goth girl competing in the wizard exam. She is so hilariously twisted, eating cake with Nina and acting like her gal pal even though she sort of plans to kill her. By far the funniest running gag is that Sun constantly manages to get her male partner Forte to cross dress, sometimes even without his knowledge. The other characters even call out that girl clothes suit him!

However, after a few chapters my interest started to plummet. The stories become lame and sometimes weird and confusing. One of the main plot points is that Ichi gives Nina a lollipop to protect her. When she’s being attacked by giant killer teddy bears (as we all are from time to time) it turns magical and protects her. The weird part is that Ichi says that the lollipop has the same image as Nina because she’s cute. Sorry but I don’t get how being compared to a lollipop is complimentary.

What really turned me off this manga was the main character being a giant damsel in distress. ‘Mamotte’ even means ‘save me.’ Needing to be rescued all the fricking time hardly makes you a likeable main character. It would work if she had a good personality or some other kind of skills or traits that came in helpful (Look at Gwen in ‘Merlin,’ not only is she a lovely person, her blacksmithing skills have aided the plot several times.) but she doesn’t. She’s just a whiny little brat with no skills, talents or even intelligence of her own.

About half of the series is like this.

The huge panels of Zero and Ichi saying ‘we’ll protect you!’ get very annoying very fast. Even after she’s given the magic lollipop she still needs to be saved all the time. She even has to be saved from tripping over or getting a cramp in her leg. How the hell did this girl even survive before these boys showed up?!

Another thing that is really off-putting – Some parts of this manga are just plain disturbing. First of all, there are continuous jokes about Nina having a flat chest. She’s twelve! Her boobs aren’t due to grow in for another two years at least! Are they trying to portray some kind of negative body image into pre-teen girls?

Even worse, in the third chapter a hot, promiscuous girl named Rokka shows up to seduce Ichi with her curves and lay on the fan service. But she’s actually a 5 year old little girl using a transformation spell. That makes it pretty sickening when she’s seen naked in the hot springs chapter.

The whole hot springs episode is like reading something from Love Hina – Nina’s towel slips off, Zero gets an eyeful so of course she whacks him and calls him a pervert. And yet Nina is underage even by Japanese laws! (The age of consent in Japan is 13). Surely I can’t be the only one who sees something wrong with this?!

Thanks to Funimation’s Youtube channel, I also watched all 13 episodes of the anime. Because I have literally nothing better to do with my time. And I must say, I did enjoy the anime more than I did the manga. The main factor was the adorable mascot Zura, a little green thing that is supposedly a seahorse yet looks more like a mini dragon. I don’t care what he’s supposed to be, he’s just so cute! Never underestimate the power of a cute mascot!

The dub voices are pretty good in my opinion. I especially like Monica Rial as Sun, she’s so cute! The anime also bothers to explain Zero and Ichi’s motivation from the very start and has a lot more good comedy, even during the Rokka episode. The ending even left me feeling cheerful, that’s always a good thing!

Yet it still has many of the same problems as the manga. The ‘protect me’ crap comes in even earlier and continues relentlessly. They do show that Nina is nice, but it isn’t mentioned until the third episode and is barely brought up again. Yet by the unexpected ‘save the world’ finale, we’re supposed to believe that Nina is just the most special and nice person in the world! She’s also stepping dangerously close to Mary Sue territory by suddenly gaining magic powers out of nowhere. In fact, I did a Mare Sue litmus test on Nina and she just scraped a pass!

When Nina finally does something for herself instead of relying on others, it just happens suddenly instead of developing throughout the series. If she had been that way all along or we got to see her character developing properly, then maybe I would have actually enjoyed watching.

There are a few moments in the anime when Nina has actual character depth, but most of the time I just want to throw hot tea in her face. The parts of the series that I really enjoyed were stories that didn’t feature Nina at all. The manga has a bonus story called ‘Medical Magical’ about a young witch training in healing magic. Not only does this story have better fan service (within the first 2 pages!) but it has a main female character who actually does something and goes through a dilemma that doesn’t involve cute boys. The backstory of Sun and Forte was 22 minuets of perfection!! It made me cry and want to buy figures of them. Going back to the same old shojo clichés in the next episode was almost painful to watch. Why couldn’t the creator have made a series about the magical world and the interesting characters and stories within it? It would’ve been tonnes better and more successful.

If you’re a fan of Bella Swan, Hollyoaks and cute artwork, this series is for you. Otherwise, watch episode 5 of the anime and give the rest a wide berth.
My verdict – 4/10.