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Wood the Writer

~ Author of Tales From Undersea

Wood the Writer

Category Archives: crazy fan theory

Crazy Fan Theory – Craggy Island is Hell

29 Wednesday May 2019

Posted by Jessica Wood in Blog, crazy fan theory, musings, tv

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

british sitcom, comedy, fan theory, father ted, sitcom

Father Ted is a British sitcom about a trio of Catholic priests and their tea-obsessed housekeeper living on a remote Irish island and is genuinely one of the funniest shows ever made. Even more than two decades after it was made, the show is still repeated, quoted, and referenced by new generations of fans, and the entire series is now on Youtube.

It is clear that the reason why the priests have been forced to the most remote parish in Ireland is as a punishment; Jack for being a perv, Dougal for possibly killing an entire busload of nuns, and Ted for embezzling money meant for a sick child. But my theory is that Craggy Island isn’t simply a punishment given to Ted by Bishop Brennon, but by God himself.

The Theory

Embezzlement may be a terrible crime, but it’s not exactly on the same level of evil as Hitler, Trump, or people who play loud music all night after a hockey game (yes, I’m bitter…). In fact, in many episodes, Ted is the only reasonable or brave person, such as when he climbs onto the wheel of a plane to fix the fuel line, saves Dougal from the bomb on the milk float, or rescues eight priests from the lingerie section (trust me, all of those make sense if you’ve watched the show). It’s not exactly the type of punishment which justifies demons sticking red hot pokers up your arse for all eternity. But perhaps God made Craggy Island as a punishment fitting for the crime – a hell made especially for Ted.

‘It’s Ireland’s biggest lingerie section, I understand.’

Ted is clearly miserable on Craggy Island and would much rather be partying it up in Las Vegas than putting up with the island resident’s daily weirdness. Yet despite his crimes, he is still a devout Catholic and probably does still believe that he will go to heaven when he dies. That thought is probably the only thing which keeps him going on Craggy Island.

Yet God has set up the punishment in a way in which Ted doesn’t even realise that he is dead and in his own personal Hell. When you think about it, believing you will eventually have the relief of heaven then never getting it is in many ways a much worse punishment than the demons and the red-hot pokers.

The Evidence

True there are many people in reality who are just as weird as the characters on the show, and remote places which are that backwards. Yet the general wackiness of Craggy Island and the people around Ted could prove that the entire place has been set up to punish Ted. There’s the Chinatown which appears as if from nowhere, the rabbit plague, and Jack’s hairy hands. Even characters such as Father Stone could really be demons sent to punish Ted further. Why else would anyone want to live on, or even visit, Craggy Island?

Is Father Stone a demon sent to torment Ted? Or is he just that boring?

Every single time Ted gets a shot at something good or a way off the island, it is ruined in one way or another. When he falls in love with a beautiful novelist, she decides to become a nun. When he’s set to inherit a fortune from Father Jack, he mysteriously comes back to life. Even when he wins the Golden Cleric award, the victory is short lived.

The final episode of the series even sees Ted finally getting a chance to move to a new parish in Beverly Hills and live his dream, only to quit when he finds out it’s a parish rife with gun violence and gangs. The final scene of the series shows him glumly realising he will be stuck on Craggy Island with Jack, Dougal, and Mrs Doyle ‘forever and ever and ever and ever.’

What greater punishment could there be?

Crazy Fan Theory – Imaginary Friends

20 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by Jessica Wood in Blog, Common Criticism, crazy fan theory, musings, tv

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Tags

friends, friends asylum, friends fan theory, friends phoebe


Friends was the quintessential 90s sitcom about a group of inseparable pals struggling through their 20s and 30s together. Some parts of the show haven’t aged particularly well (there are seriously so many homophobic jokes), but I still regularly give it a binge watch for the nostalgic value and the hilarious performances (plus that one episode about porn which was banned from Channel Four back in the day).

Too hot for Channel Four

One common complaint is how unrealistically the show portrayed life in New York City for a bunch of nearly-broke 20-somethings. Despite spending most of their day at the coffee house instead of their jobs, the Friends still somehow had huge apartments, nice clothes, and enough money to go on impromptu trips whenever they felt like it.

People in their 20s can easily afford last-minute trips abroad

Much of this was for practical reasons, such as the apartments needing to be big to move the cameras around. The rest you can pass off as indulging the viewer’s fantasies, something which I once heard somebody describe as ‘lifestyle porn’. We watched the show, and still watch it 20 years later, because we like to imagine ourselves having posh apartments in a glamorous city with dream jobs we somehow never have to actually go to and a group of friends who will always support us.

But what if the show wasn’t just a fantasy for the viewer? What if the reason why the Friend’s lives were so unreasonably perfect is because they were never real in the first place?

The Friends Asylum Theory

One theory I’ve seen floating around is that the entire show was actually set in a mental health institution and the Friends were really inmates either delusional or in-denial about where they really were. This would explain a lot of things like the lack of work hours, the fact they were together practically 24/7, and the characters like Gunther who existed only to take care of them (why else would Gunther work a minimum wage job in a coffee shop for ten years pre-recession?). Delusional thinking is common amongst mental health patients and people who have experienced trauma, so it makes sense that the Friends created a shared fantasy life to deal with this and their real lives in the asylum.

Each of the Friends displayed symptoms of a serious mental health condition which on the show were simply played off as adorable quirks. Rachel exhibited narcissistic and sociopathic behaviour. Monica clearly had OCD and an eating disorder. Phoebe was implied to have magical powers which were more likely symptoms of schizophrenia. Joey was addicted to both food and sex and was incredibly child-like. Chandler outright admitted to using his sarcastic humour to mask his childhood trauma. Ross’ abandonment and anger issues were so bad that he had an actual mental breakdown on the show (which again was played entirely for laughs). Even many of the secondary and one-off characters could actually have bene asylum patients (Ugly Naked Guy, Ross’ girlfriend who shaved her head, the ‘singing guy’ in the next building, etc).

Was Ugly Naked Guy an asylum patient all along?

The Friends Fantasy Life

You can take this theory even further and suggest that the entire show isn’t just set in an asylum, but entirely in the head of one of the characters. Phoebe is a regular target for this theory. Somebody on Twitter once suggested that she is actually a homeless drug addict staring at a group of five friends through the window of a coffee shop and imagining that she is one of them. Her twin sister Ursula is just her reflection and the quirky hipster songs she performs at Central Perk are really just her caterwauling on the streets for change.

You’ll never hear ‘Smelly Cat’ the same way ever again.

If you think about it hard enough, the entire show could be the idealised fantasy lifestyle of any one of the characters. Monica liked things to be clean, organised, and perfect so she could have fantased that her tiny, dirty New York apartment was actually a personal pleasure palace. Rachel may have actually married Barry in the first episode and was imagining what her life could have been like while in reality she was stuck in a horrible marriage. Joey could have been picturing how his struggles as an unemployed actor would eventually end. Ross was actually a massive douche canoe in retrospect (there have been A LOT of articles written about this) so maybe the show is his Nice Guy fantasy about Rachel falling hopelessly in love with him. Or maybe Chandler…actually I don’t want to get into what could be going on in Chandler’s head.

What do you think of this theory? Have I taken it too far and ruined the show forever for you? Am I the only one who really wants a modern-day remake of Friends with Joey and Phoebe as the main couple? Tell me your thoughts in the comments below!

Crazy fan theories – When will Arthur return?

29 Tuesday May 2018

Posted by Jessica Wood in Blog, crazy fan theory, fantasy, story, tv

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

merlin, merlin bbc, merlin fan theory, merlin headcanon, merlin x arthur

Warning – Major spoilers for the ending of Merlin (BBC series)

Welcome to a new section of my blog called Crazy Fan Theories. Here I will be sharing bizarre headcanons I have developed for my favourite pieces of pop culture and examining existing fan theories. I’m going to start off with one of my favourite tv shows- the BBC series Merlin– and one of the ongoing questions which fans have been asking since the show ended in 2012.

When will Arthur return?

Like all Arthurian legends, the show had a tragic ending. In the final episode, Arthur succumbed to war injuries and died in Merlin’s arms. Merlin gave him a Viking funeral to send him to the Isle of Avalon to await the predestined day that Arthur will return when Albion needs him most.

Plus he had to drag the body there himself

The show’s final scene is an epilogue of sorts in which we see Merlin as an old man in the modern-day walking past the Isle of Avalon, still keeping watch over it and awaiting Arthur’s return. Supposedly he has been waiting for over 1,000 years at this point, long after everyone he ever loved has died.

Good old family entertainment from the BBC

The more you think about it, the sadder it becomes. The entire series was focused upon Merlin restoring the ‘golden age of magic’ and ending Camelot’s persecution of magic users. Yet many fans felt cheated that they never got to see this happen. It becomes even sadder when you consider Britain’s long history of witch burnings and the fact that witchcraft didn’t become legal in the UK until 1951. Even today, neo-pagan religions such as Wicca and Druidism are incredibly obscure and are generally treated as strange and suspicious. The last time I checked, the UK isn’t full of magical creatures such as dragons and unicorns either, so all that trouble Merlin went through to save the last dragon egg was completely pointless.

Completely pointless baby dragon

So Merlin has basically failed in his lifelong quest of restoring magic, but he can still await Arthur, right? Except that Albion doesn’t need the two of them anymore. Despite what fearmongering tabloids will tell you, the UK, and the western world in general, is better and safer than it ever has been in history (so I really don’t know what I’m constantly complaining about…). Not that everything is great for everyone but people in the UK now live longer, have easy access to all necessities, and can freely practice magic (even if it isn’t the glowy eyes kind from the tv show). This article on Ranker points out that even people in the UK working minimum wage jobs still generally have more freedom and a better quality of life than Arthur had as a king in the Anglo-Saxon period. They aren’t being forced to marry their cousins at the age of 12, they aren’t at risk from dying from something as simple as an ear infection, and they don’t have to live in drafty stone castles. They also aren’t constantly at risk from invading armies or the occasional griffin attack.

Apparently this just used to happen all the time

But if modern-day Albion is doing so well, does that mean that Arthur will never need to come back? Will Merlin wait forever for a day that will never come? Or perhaps this golden age was possible because Arthur has already returned.

Arthur’s real return

Albion has seen a lot of war and strife in the thousand or so years since Arthur’s death, but not even those were enough to warrant Arthur’s return. The one time in this turbulent history when the people of Albion were in the most danger, when they needed Arthur more than ever, was during the blitz from 1940 to 1941. In all the wars in British history, this was the only time that civilians were in constant danger of attack. An estimated 43,000 civilians were killed during this short time and endless buildings were destroyed, taking decades to be restored.

Destruction during the blitz

It makes sense that this would be the time when Arthur returned from Avalon to defend the people of Albion with Merlin’s help. With 1,000 years to think it over, he would have come to terms with witchcraft and fighting alongside a wizard as well. Perhaps he took on a new persona as an army figurehead and might have even become a politician after the war. The timing of this coincides nicely with the repeal of the Witchcraft Act in 1951 and the emergence of neopagan religions in subsequent decades. Perhaps Arthur and Merlin were covertly working to gradually restore the Old Religion to Albion and accomplish what they weren’t able to in the age of Camelot. If anything they beat their predestined expectations since paganism is now more popular than ever and practised throughout the world.

Modern day druids at Stonehenge (which was built by Merlin, btw)

When we see Merlin as an old man in the final scene, it isn’t because he is an immortal stuck in that form forever. After Arthur returned to save Albion and their destiny was fulfilled, both of them were free to live their lives however they wanted and Merlin finally started to age naturally. By 2012, Arthur had passed away from old age after a long and fulfilling life. Old Merlin is not waiting for Arthur’s return – he’s waiting the day when he can finally move on to join Arthur and all of his loved ones in Avalon. They may not have been completely successful in restoring the old ways, but they can still rest knowing that magic users are safe from persecution and Albion will be just fine without them.

 

What do you think of my headcanon? What’s your crazy Merlin fan theory? Tell me in the comments below!

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